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'Basketball and feeling of regret' - Common App Essay



ericaj09 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2012   #1
I just need some criticism on this, for my transfer application. Needed to be 1000 characters and I'm at 934. I think it's a good use of the 1000 characters.

That feeling of regret; something you did in the past and wish you could've made a better choice. We've all felt that and sulk in disappointment. I wished I had never stopped playing for high school basketball. My dreams of playing in college had followed me since I was eight, since the first time I scored a basket. All my free time was consumed by AAU all-star and JV basketball, until intimidation crept up. I left the team after my freshman year, and by junior year I was too old to continue playing. How would I ever make a college team? My dreams slipped through my hand like sand. Gone.

True passion never runs dry. That wasn't the path I thought I'd take to get to my dreams, but opportunity arose again. I began playing for my community college and realized the passion never left. The path imagined isn't the only trail leading to your dreams. I'm reminded that nothing is impossible even when it seems out of reach.

Thors Hammer 5 / 60  
Jan 22, 2012   #2
Get rid of those contractions...
AAU? I do not know what this stands for, nor will anyone that may read this paper.
Read out-loud and check for missing words, then bring it back here...
Good stuff.
My dreams slipped like sand through an hour glass.
OP ericaj09 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2012   #3
Okay thank you. Also what do you mean by contractions, give me an example from my writing? Thanks
saurabh93 11 / 94  
Jan 22, 2012   #4
Maybe add an example and talk about what you learned from it, and not just talk about how it's your passion. That's what I would suggest.

Can you please look at mine??
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!
rolltide - / 2  
Jan 23, 2012   #5
Could've should be changed to could have

We've should be changed to we have

Also, try to explain the rationale you had for leaving the team. I have many questions about your reasons and I'm sure that others will too.


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