Hello! I'd appreciate some feedback on the content and grammar of my personal statement for my Common App Transfer application. I'm having trouble ending the essay, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thank you! :)
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source.(250-650 words)
I spent my senior year of high school googling phrases like "best careers for INFJ's" and taking every online career quiz that popped up; still unsure about what I wanted to study and not interested in taking a gap year, I decided to enroll at [ _________ College] and major in liberal studies. A few months into my freshman year at [ ____ ], I heard about the success that my six-year-old cousin was having in his speech therapy sessions and decided to do some research. As I delved deeper into the world of speech-language pathology, I became intrigued and wanted to shadow an SLP working in my local school system.
For an entire day, I was lucky enough to sit in on about ten sessions and observe as she taught them how to shape their lips and place their tongues in ways that would enhance articulation and implement creative, yet educational activities that kept them focused and excited about the lesson. Later that day when I left the elementary school I couldn't help but think about how badly I wanted to help children gain the ability to have successful conversations and social interactions that would benefit their everyday life and positively impact their future.
Upon returning to [ ____ ], I began to realize that they didn't offer the program necessary to fulfill my professional aspirations. I don't regret the time that I've spent at [ ____ ]. I've had the privilege to learn from extraordinary professors and developed self-discipline, a quality that was admittedly absent in high school. I know that before my time at [ ____ ] I would have lacked the necessary persistence required to be a successful full-time student during the day and going to work at night. I've adapted well at [ ____ ], and I could stay here and obtain a degree, but I know I would be missing out on the opportunity to take courses specific to my major and interests. Despite my reason for transferring being almost entirely academic, I'm excited to be on a new campus, that's inclusive and effervescent with comradery and school pride while meeting new people. It's important to me to attend an institution where people are equally as zealous about their passions and studies as I am. I'm prepared to dive head first into a new environment; I know that I could truly blossom at [ _____ College], socially and academically.
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source.(250-650 words)
I spent my senior year of high school googling phrases like "best careers for INFJ's" and taking every online career quiz that popped up; still unsure about what I wanted to study and not interested in taking a gap year, I decided to enroll at [ _________ College] and major in liberal studies. A few months into my freshman year at [ ____ ], I heard about the success that my six-year-old cousin was having in his speech therapy sessions and decided to do some research. As I delved deeper into the world of speech-language pathology, I became intrigued and wanted to shadow an SLP working in my local school system.
For an entire day, I was lucky enough to sit in on about ten sessions and observe as she taught them how to shape their lips and place their tongues in ways that would enhance articulation and implement creative, yet educational activities that kept them focused and excited about the lesson. Later that day when I left the elementary school I couldn't help but think about how badly I wanted to help children gain the ability to have successful conversations and social interactions that would benefit their everyday life and positively impact their future.
Upon returning to [ ____ ], I began to realize that they didn't offer the program necessary to fulfill my professional aspirations. I don't regret the time that I've spent at [ ____ ]. I've had the privilege to learn from extraordinary professors and developed self-discipline, a quality that was admittedly absent in high school. I know that before my time at [ ____ ] I would have lacked the necessary persistence required to be a successful full-time student during the day and going to work at night. I've adapted well at [ ____ ], and I could stay here and obtain a degree, but I know I would be missing out on the opportunity to take courses specific to my major and interests. Despite my reason for transferring being almost entirely academic, I'm excited to be on a new campus, that's inclusive and effervescent with comradery and school pride while meeting new people. It's important to me to attend an institution where people are equally as zealous about their passions and studies as I am. I'm prepared to dive head first into a new environment; I know that I could truly blossom at [ _____ College], socially and academically.
