Please take a look at my draft and criticize the heck out of it. Much appreciated!
Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (1500 char limit)
In the words of Hannah Montana, Columbia is the best of both worlds. It is a self-contained college campus, yet part of an economic and cultural hub; it offers the quiet, separated setting of a "traditional" university, yet provides the vibrant atmosphere of New York City. And as a part of a global metropolis, Columbia, too, is a global campus. But above all of that - above the sense of local community, the friendships (with peers and professors alike), and the international opportunities - Columbia offers what others cannot: the Core Curriculum.
Some may argue that these required, common courses limit the undergrad's freedom and college experience; some may say that it is pointless and a diversion from one's major. Whatever they argue, I counter. Like my magnet program, the Core introduces students to a broader and more encompassing view on the world and serves as the focal point of the College. A foundation in the humanities relieves us from the narrow-mindedness of just burrowing down one tunnel. It opens up the world - we can relate to other ethnicities, embrace another culture, see the opportunities that would have passed us by. Furthermore, the commonality of the Core provides a unique bonding between peers, between generations, and between cultures. As I study classic gems like Homer's "Iliad" and contemporary jazz with my peers, I am given the knowledge and the perspectives to become an international citizen.
Thank you hellogoodbye, I'll make it more specific
Also, are the first two sentences in the second para even necessary? I'm split on whether or not they add to the overall tone of the essay or if they are just filler sentences..
And my ending sentence - I feel like it needs work, except I'm lost on what direction. Not enough "oomph", it seems.
What do you guys think?
