"I bet I can beat you in this shenanigans" ;Natural competitive nature

I'm so tired of football, wrestling, video games, and "I bet I can beat you in this" shenanigans. Being the only girl among four guys is anything but easy. They definitely bring out the best in me with their competitive nature and their playful antics. The only problem is I'm tired. I'm tired of being that girl that knows all the cheats to "Mortal Kombat", but isn't that fashionable. I'm tired of going to football games instead of fashion shows. There is no doubt in my mind that it's time for me to grow into a woman, and my brothers definitely can't teach me that!

My major influence is my Family. My parents came from literally nothing and have beaten the odds and achieved some kind of success. Although my parents aren't rich and haven't graduated college they are very successful and are the very definition of hard workers. With my parents not being there most of the time, my brothers and aunties played a key role in raising me. My aunt would go to parent teacher conferences; assemblies and any other school function because my parents would not take off work. Growing up I always felt I was going through things along. I never had anyone to talk to because I was the only girl and the youngest. So I guess that's when I started turning to books. I read all the time, it is my release from the real world, and the reason that I'm successful in my academics.

My most notable achievement is probably being number 64 out of 402 students in my class. I think that's pretty awesome. I am also in a two college prep programs such as, Delta G.E.M.S., and Upward Bound. Delta G.E.M.S. is an organization under the sorority Delta Sigma Theta inc. directed by the educational development committee. As a G.E.M I have to do community service and keep my grades up in order to participate in all the activities I also participate in Student Council and mathletes at my school.

Overall I think I'm the best candidate for your college because I am a well rounded student. I know exactly what hard work is, I've been surrounded by it my whole life. I have a natural competitive nature, and I strive for excellence in everything I do.

Although my parents aren't rich and haven't graduated college,(comma) they are very successful and are the very definition of hard workers.
My major influence is my family (lowercase F)
My aunties (continue plural form) would go to parent teacher conferences

I am also in a two college preparatory (don't abbreviate) programs

The first time you use GEMS you need to spell it out.

As a G.E.M I am given the opportunity to perform community service and and am required to maintain a certain grade point average. (period). I also...

Overal, (comma)I think

My honest opinion is that it comes off too negative. Like you're not embracing your family and hope to become more superficial. I think you should brag more in the beginning versus complaining. I think you should also be more vague about your class ranking unless you can move to the top 10%

Your SOP is quite neat and crisp but it highlights more of those things that are related to adventure & expedition. I am sure it must be a great experience and must have made you a more informed and confident person but you should mention a little more about your hobbies.

Maybe adding something that you will like to do in your life can make it the best..

All the very best..

There were many places in which you had many extra words like "in the realm of" and "in the area of". Deleting these makes your statement flow much quicker, and it does not lag as it did before.

It is good to get straight to the point when writing something. You didn't need to say "such as epilepsy". I think the person reading your statement would know about your ambitions.

I have a special interest in the field of neuropsychology. As an undergraduate student, I had the opportunity to study a few subjects in neuropsychology, or SUBJECTS closely related to neuropsychology, which have been most enjoyable and enlightening. In fact, I pursued to attend as many relevant subjects as possible. I transferred from X University to University of Y to do my Honours in order to attend an elective in behavioural neuroscience. It seemed logical that I pursue a career in neuropsychology.

So, here I am applying for the University of Y Master of Psychology (Clinical Neuropsychology) Program. This program will bring me closer to my goal of being clinical neuropsychologist. I have a keen interest in researching the brain and its functions. I have good interpersonal skills, patience, and empathy for others. I'm very flexible, helpful and have a strong sense of responsibility. I am also very goal-foc used. I believe that my personal qualities in combination with this postgraduate program will prepare me in progressing to a successful career.

I see myself working in research, as well as a practitioner. My choices of professional areas include rehabilitation, and neuropsychological disorders. I hope you will give me the opportunity to continue my studies.