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"Nothing can beat Experience" Intl. Relations/Media & Com. Personal Statement for GKS-U Scholarship

apollo_nia 1 / -  
Sep 26, 2020   #1

personal statement essay

URGENT - hi!! i need help for my personal statement, i feel like its too long but, i'm not sure which part to cut. I'm applying for the GKS scholarship, and they require a personal statement with the following instructions:

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc. Thank you!

Ever since I was a kid, I always have the urge to do good at everything. I joined the basketball club because my sister was one of the best player during her elementary and junior high school days, I joined a certified vocal institution for 5 years just to justify my thirst over someone else's talent. Until the moment I have found my interest and abilities, I realized all that is just pointless determination. From that time, I learned to utilize my best potential in my interest of field. I started to join cheerleading and dance in my 7th grade and until this very day I don't regret any second of it. I started to volunteer in different types of committee in specific events like social work or fundraising workshops and I also tried learning other foreign languages. It felt like a nature call, some say that the moment you found your abilities, you can easily find bigger opportunities. Through all my experience, my attentiveness towards the diversity of the world cultures left a big impression in my life. One of the first country that caught my eyes was South Korea. Starting from a Korean documentary I watched 3 years ago, explaining Korea's economic development from 1960 until this very year and it completely amazed me on how innovative their solutions despite the provided source. I started to explore their traditional attire or dance, art & entertainment history, work ethic, health care, and their well-known quality for education. Therefore, South Korea's culture brought a huge impact on deciding for my interest study and college major. With the help of this program, I am able to step across my limitations in my home's country and achieve my aspiration to keep learning and help those who are in need.

I mustered up the courage to step out of my comfort zone and join the GKS-U program by the help of my family. My family had always been my number one support system. Most of the time we can be pretty affectionate but, there are also times where we had our big fights and disagreements. Despite all the bad days, they are the biggest influence in creating the person I am today. My parents never really taught me on a specific work ethics but, they always remind me to be a good person. They said "in order to be good, you need to be honest with yourself and do what's right for others". My parents raised me very well and I want to be able to make them proud. They worked really hard in order for me to achieve great education although, most of the time they had several difficulties due to financial issues. I started my education in Charitas Catholic Pre-school and continued until junior high in Pangudi Luhur Junior High school. Then, I applied to Gonzaga College Senior High School which was known for their great outcome on their student's character building.

I started my senior high without any high expectations, but the amount of events participation and school work that needs to be done equally, pushes me to do better work on my time-management. I have experienced different type of committee in school as:

-Head of dance competition in Gonzaga Festival 2019 (annual arts & sports festival)
-Head of external funding in Bazaar Amal 2019 (charity annual event)
-Medical committee in Orientation Day 2018 & 2019

and other events outside of school based on my hobby. I joined a dance institution called Gigi Art Of Dance, and I experienced many opportunities there as:

-Assistant Teacher in Beginner Teen Hip Hop class
-Volunteered as backstage runner in E-MOTIONS: Plastic Fantastic 2018 (awareness musical event on plastic usage)
-Appointed as LO for Summer Dance Camp 2019 International Event
-Appointed to lead a volunteer workshop in Happiness Festival 2019

I joined one of Gigi's in-house crew, G.O, and joined many competition, national and international, also achieved several wins. I experienced many performances in charity events from ASIA87PEDULI and in Happiness Festival 2019 created by UID Indonesia. Despite all the event's participation, I managed to maintain my grades as cumlaude honoree.

"Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience."
There are moments in my life where the risk that I'm taking seems very selfish. It was a very careless move, but somehow my parents still believed in the potential I have. It was back in the start of my 10th grade and I had asked to join a dance institution as my birthday gift. At first it was going around quite smooth until I started to join their in-house crew. Since we joined a lot of competitions, we had multiple funds that I was unable to complete due to conditions including the monthly fee for the institution. Many thoughts came through my head about postponing my dancing days, but It felt like such a waste to stop halfway. I started to focus on upgrading my skills and learning new genres like krump and contemporary dance. Ever since then, I was able to be given bigger opportunities as job performance and teaching experiences. I go to school until 3 or 4 PM and spend the rest of my day in practicing for performances or competitions, I barely spent more than 6 hours at home just to sleep nor do i have time to hang out with my friends. I had days where I can't contain the over-whelming feeling of drained but, it never really gave me a thought to quit, rather then I wanted to do even more. As the results for the risk that I took, I was able to pay for my own needs and learn to manage my financial, I even bought a new phone by myself at the age of 16 to improve my teaching without burdening my parents. I was also given a monthly fee pass for 7 months as I won a solo competition in their annual event called Choreonite. From that situation, I learned on how to cultivate my risks as an investment for my future self.

During my activities outside of school, I was appointed to become a captain in the dance extracurricular at school in 2018. When I first joined the club, the members were only 5, including 4 seniors and 1 junior. The club was barely active and the coach was a slight unexperienced to lead a club. I had troubles in finding a compatible coach and applicants who are interested in the club. It started as 5 original members until now we had around 30 participants in the club, it was filled with 70% of the members who had no experience in dancing and with only a year difference, they were able to grow and achieve big things. We had hardships as people tried to bring us down and tons of internal failures, but with the help of my teammates and our coach, we were able to achieve a win in UBS Gold Dance Competition South Jakarta region and top 5 in DKI Jakarta province in 2019, including other school competitions. Not only did the team changed our club's label in society, they also helped me grow as a person and learn better as a leader to connect with each different personality. I acquired the ability to adapt easily and how to manage my team with effective solutions. Seeing the hard work and growth in each member brought me so much happiness as it become one of the significant moments in my life. I can say that each member inspires me to do the most in everything I do, especially my coach.

Other than the mentioned activities, I had also been volunteering in my church's community service during 2017-2019. I had joined an acolyte community where I was appointed as the head of event committee. I experienced on handling numerous seminars as the master of ceremonies, public speaker, and created events. In order to undergo those participations, I joined a couple of courses on public speaking and leadership training. During the past few years, I occupied my teenager days by polishing my capabilities. Although I never really had time to spent on my friends or my family, I never regret every second I spent on building my abilities and widen my connection in the career world. I obtained lots of practical and communication skills but, I still have a long way to go. Despite all the mistakes I carried throughout the years, I am willing to keep learning and aspire to be the best version of myself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4810  
Sep 27, 2020   #2
This is not marked as URGENT in our system, no matter how many times you say it is URGENT. It will only receive limited advice and review from me as it is not a real URGENT posting. It shall be treated like all other ordinary postings at this forum. It will not receive special review because you have not followed the proper process for making a post URGENT in our system.

The first half of your essay is irrelevant to the motivational aspect. It also fails to properly discuss your family background. It is just long, bragging, but not really informative when it comes to the prompt requirements.

Outlining your social activities does nothing for this essay. The importance of that section comes from the activities that have helped build your personality. Which activities prove that you are a mature person, ready to be separated from your parents, and face a world far different from your own? How do you fare under stressful settings? How do you handle unfamiliar situations? Those are the questions that need to be addressed when you discuss your academic and social accomplishments. None of this presentation does that. The reviewer doesn't care about the outline of your activities and participation. He would rather know of one or two activities that highlight your potential as a scholar.

This is an essay that only serves to boost your personal feeling of worth but does not follow the actual informative prompt requirements. No amount of bragging on your part will increase your chances of becoming a candidate for this scholarship when the overall personal statement does not deliver the important information that will actually help assess your suitability as a scholar candidate.

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