"What is beyond the realm of high school for us" - Common App Short Answer feedback

Hello,

I honestly have to complete this short answer today in order to able to receive an on site interview this Friday. However, I dilema is that my essay it over 150 words to be exact 170 words and I afarid it is weak in term of meaning and needs to be shortened. I would honestly love if everyone can help me. I thank you in advance. :)

Short Answer Topic:

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Short Answer:

A question that baffles all high school students including myself is what is beyond the realm of high school for us? I am proudly able to say that I was able to find this insightful answer during my summer program with NJIT. This program even with its breathtaking knowledge can be summarized in just its title, "Real World Connections (RWC)." RWC allowed young adults to redefine themselves in the world and discover their hidden potentials. The overarching concept of RWC is to help truncate the gap between the young adult mentality and the real world. RWC allowed me to learn and expand my horizon of knowledge through team-based learning experience projects. Under the leadership of my mentor and myself, my team was able to earn the honor of 2nd place in the Capstone showcase as well as 3rd place in the overall RWC program for our state of the art programming language known as MatLab. Our goal was to use MatLab to simulate a virtual incision line using a robotic arm.

<171 words>

Edited shorten:

What is beyond the realm of high school for us? I am proudly able to say that I was able to find this insightful answer during my summer program with NJIT. This program even with its breathtaking knowledge can be summarized in just its title, "Real World Connections (RWC)." RWC allowed young adults to redefine themselves in the world and discover their hidden potentials. The overarching concept of RWC is to help truncate the gap between the young adult mentality and the real world. RWC allowed me to learn and expand my horizon of knowledge through team-based learning experience projects. Under the leadership of my mentor and myself, my team utilized a state of the art programming language known as MatLab. Our goal was to use MatLab to simulate a virtual incision line using a robotic arm. In the end, earned the honor of 2nd place in the Capstone showcase <150 words>

By: Mohammad Daraghmeh

I just completed my common app short answer. Yours is VERY interesting. I observed your unedited short answer and there arent more than 1000 characters there so maybe you can ask your counselor if it is either 150 words or 1000 characters max. The edited edition is just as good but the first one contains more info.

A question that baffles all high school students including myself is what is beyond the realm of high school for us? I think this is too obvious.

I am proudly able to say that I was able to find found this insightful answer during my summer program with NJIT.

Here is another one to cut:
RWC allowed me to learn and expand my horizon of knowledge through team-based learning experience projects.

:-)Now I'll move to the xsecond version:

What is beyond the realm of high school for us? I am proudly able to say that I was able to find this found the insightful answer during my summer program with NJIT.

I like the way you revised it!

:-)

Thanks to both diarramarie1 and EF_Kevin for replies. I asked both my counselor and English teacher to read it and I was able to make it smaller. Thanks again