Bhangra, Indian folk dance Common - App. Short answer question -edit/trim

Hello,

I would appreciate if a Mod could please edit/trim this short answer for the common app::: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer). :

Bhangra, a high energy Indian folk dance, is a growing phenomenon in North America. Two summers ago, my Bhangra troop was invited to participate in a dance competition. My team entrusted me with the responsibility of choreographing our number. I took on the challenge of planning the dance steps and arranging them into an expressive and meaningful performance. It turned out that handling a group of eight individuals was not as easy as it sounded. Countless hours passed in arguments and no two people seemed to agree on anything. I had to remind the team to focus on the big picture of winning the competition. After two months of hard work and heartaches, the dance became a joy and we were awarded first place at the competition. But it turned out we were not dancing for the prize anymore; rather, we were dancing for the joy of Bhangra. Choreographing Bhangra dances tested my limits of creativity, rhythm, leadership, and motivation. I learned how to cope with pressure, how to remain focused, and most of all, the importance of group cooperation.

thanks alooooottt

Bhangra, a high-energy Indian folk dance, is a growing phenomenon in North America. Two summers ago, my Bhangra troop was invited to participate in a dance competition, and I was entrusted with the responsibility of choreographing our number. I took on the challenge of planning the dance steps and arranging them into an expressive and meaningful performance. To coordinate a group of eight individuals was not as easy as I had hoped it would be. Countless hours passed in arguments and no two people seemed to agree on anything...

After two months of hard work and heartaches, the dance became a joy, and we were awarded first place at the competition...

Choreographing Bhangra dances tested my limits of creativity, rhythm, leadership, and motivation. I learned how to cope with pressure, remain focused, promote synergy within a team of individuals.

thanks alot for the quick reply...once i edit it ...i will post again for final review :-)

thanks

Please note we cannot provide "final reviews" - refer to our TOS again.

EssayForum

when i said final review i mean like another edit ...before i edit it again...

Hi, this is the TOS item that the other moderator was talking about:

12. Due to high volume of essay revision requests, the moderators can only provide ONE revision of your essay. However, you can post subsequent drafts for peer-editing.

We just do the best we can, depending on how many members post essays on any given day. Feel free to post your essay, and please click on "unanswered" to give some other people feedback. This site is getting so popular that we need everyone to help by giving other members feedback.

thanks!!!

:)