'Big Day and A Memory of Time' - commonapp essay

Hi, Im a new user of this forum. The commonapp essay limit is 500 words, but when i try to eliminate stuff I add more :( Now it is 589 words...Please be judgemental of my essay and tell me what I should eliminate,

i will be really appreciate, Thank you :)

A Memory of Time

Ever since I participated in the school-play during six grade, I've felt attached to the stage. Just a week after I transferred into my American school, my class was assigned a play. Although I did not get lines because I could not speak English fluently then, I still felt excited and actively participated in the dance practice during lunch period. The dance was complex, but it did not stop my passion for learning; in fact, I enjoyed the daily strenuous practice. After school, I would do the movements involuntarily while I was waiting for the bus or brushing my teeth, and I couldn't help humming the song of our stage play whenever I feel like it. On the "Big Day", I still remembered how nervous yet impatient I was on the stage. Although I did not play the center, I still did my part seriously. I was unsatisfied with just being the background dancer, therefore during High School I signed up "College Now Drama Class" immediately.

I was so excited at the thought of being able to stand on stage once again. My first task was to perform a monologue after two weeks of practice. Although there's plenty of time, I did not waste any. During the first week I carefully studied my script and its character's tone and emotional state. The following week I focus on memorization and practice. When I had fully readied myself before the performance start, the professor announced, the class would switch to the music room because of construction. I was overwhelmed by the sudden change; when all the students entered the music room, the only space left was like the size of a hallway. The performer was in close proximity to the audiences. I felt my face flushed with embarrassment and I was eager to return to my seat. But, what hit me was there were people who were fine with spectators watching them from three feet away.

I didn't give up hope after this failure; I did some self-reflection and came up with strategies to tackle with difficult situation. I simulated a variety of scenarios in my mind and thought of countermeasures for each one of them. For the next performance, we were assigned to plot a dialogue and act with a partner. After exchanging emails with her, I practiced diligently as before. At that time, schoolworks gradually increase in difficulty, and free time gradually decreases. So during the weekend I sacrificed an entire day for plot discussion with my partner and rehearsal in the afternoon. Just when everything was prepared, my partner was late to class. Fortunately, I had simulated this scenario, so I wasn't astounded. First I tried to reduce my partner's anxiety by suggesting rehearse for the last time. We encouraged each other that "our performance would be a bombshell!", then we confidently went up the stage. Our show went well and I managed to solve my partner's line-forgetting crisis by skipping a dialogue. Our teacher commended our script was innovative and refreshing although there were flaws in our acting, I took his advice seriously and practice my emotion in front of the mirror. At the last performance, I did a great job and I had fully enjoying the stage after the regret in elementary school. This is a life-changing moment to me, because although i do not plan to major in drama, this special experience had surely taught me to face any future obstacles and challenges with calmness and wisdom.

during sixth grade

Even though I did not get lines because I could not speak English fluently then, I still felt excited and actively participated in the dance practice during lunch period.

still played my part seriously

I signed up for the "College Now Drama Class" immediately.

following week I focused on memorization and practice. When I had fully prepared myself before the performance start, the professor announced, the class would switch to the music roo

After exchanging emails with her, I - who's her?
Needs more revision! Needs better diction. and use parallelism

I like the subject matter. I feel like I am really getting to know you. You need to go back and look at your tenses. Started instead of start for example.

What failure did you have exactly? You just refer to your embarrassment so I don't know what you mean.

Instead of saying "people were fine with spectators" say "other actors were fine with spectators."