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'Big Dreams' - Vietnamese immigrant wants to explore the depths of science and mathematics



dannybht 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Being a first-generation immigrant family from Vietnam, my family struggled to achieve a stable financial household; financial problems affected my schoolwork during the early years of school as I had to balance both schoolwork and chores. However, I know that each child has to overcome some kind of obstacle and that obstacles are part of the process of learning how to accomplish tough goals. Through the teachings of my father I have learned to map out my personal goals and my academic goals in life.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always admired my father for his support and his ability to cope with hardships. Therefore, I would never expect anything less of a man who has given me so much parental guidance. When my father comes home from work, I would see him in tangled clothes, stained with grass stains, indicating a hard day at work. However, I did not bond much with my father as a kid, mainly because he would always come home late from work. In fact, I did not know or understand my father. His life was a mystery to me.

One day while he was fixing his lawnmower, I decided that I needed to learn about my father's past. Vividly he describes to me how he worked as a farmer, became a father to four children, served his country in the South Vietnamese military, and lived as a prisoner for 10 years in a reeducation camp of the communists. I began to understand my father as I was engorged with stories about his struggles. All along he was teaching me how to become a man. I learned that I must be hard-working like a farmer, supportive like a father, strong-willed like a soldier, and hopeful like a prisoner of war.

As I grew up, my father would always tell me and brothers to work hard and to do well in school. My father's perseverance and resilience to work hard and raise his children in America has inspired me to be more determined. I learned to love education and to desire the fulfillment of a balance between happiness and a good education. Throughout my high school years, I took challenging classes that would help show the colleges that I am willing to aim high in education. Also, I try to go to help my community as much as I can because I believe that an academic drive is equal in importance to a drive to provide service to the community.

My journey toward harmony between happiness and education has just begun. The values and lessons that I have obtained along this journey have shaped who I am as a person. As a result of my motivation, courage, and ability to take risks, I have been able to change into an independent person who holds big dreams and aspirations. I am capable of making my own choices, I try hard to carry a positive attitude in school every day and I look forward to accomplishing my goals in life. These changes have had great impact on my dreams and aspirations. It has made me realized that I should have different outlooks toward life than others, outlooks that produce big dreams. Through these changes I know I have to understand others and lend a helping hand to people in need. Besides this personal goal, my career goal is to increase my knowledge of cultures so I can be more open-minded and to explore the depths of science and mathematics. These are the visions I hope I can find in college and in an engineering career.

happyhours 2 / 8  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
I liked your story but it's a little bit dry.. make it interesting and more fun to read

Wanna feed back mine?:)
OP dannybht 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
Thanks. I just dont know how to make it more creative and fun to read.

Sure ill give feedback on it.
OP dannybht 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #4
This is my revision of the essay I hope I have made it more interesting. Please help me shorten in any way. Feedback is much appreciated. Thanks

SEE ABOVE
littleman91 1 / 4  
Nov 29, 2009   #5
I think your essay should have a kind of 'hook' in the introduction
Your essay tells a lot about yourself
but adding an interesting hook will make the readers more atrracted by the essay^^
JennieHeartsYou 2 / 5  
Nov 29, 2009   #6
I enjoyed it, the only criticism I have is that I feel like I have read many essays about peoples parents as immigrants, and they often begin to sound the same. I really liked your use of imagery though I think adding some dialogue might make it more interesting as well.
OP dannybht 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2009   #7
Thanks. I will take these criticisms into consideration.
ivanka22 2 / 3  
Dec 29, 2009   #8
I like your essay very much! good job. "One day while he was fixing his lawnmower, I decided that I needed to learn about my father's past" I think you need to change here something. Just rewrite in other words. Because it is hard for me to understand why this moment cause you to became interested in your father past. Maybe you should shorten the information about the hard life of your father and make an emphasize on your dream to make his life easier because you love him very much.

Please read my essay!)


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