Just finished a draft of my common app essay. I had a very hard time coming up with a topic and writing an essay; i'm no good at writing about myself. This is the best I could come up with. Not much of a topic but I did what I could with it.
I'm concerned it might not be serious enough or a little unclear. Please let me know what you think I could change to make it better.
Of course please be harsh and make any changes you feel necessary, be they big or small.
Thank you in advance for the help and I promise to return the favor for any advice.
p.s. it's only around 500 words because Yale wants it that way
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
Here's an updated draft. I'm still undecided on a few things; I think i'll implement a few other revisions soon. It would be great if someone could let me know if anything is unclear about it still.
"Why did you cut down that tree?" my dad asked as he inspected what I then thought to be a completed assignment. I was about to refute the validity of his question, claiming that it was what he had asked me to do several hours and a gallon or two of sweat earlier (not sure about this last bit) . I then stared incredulously at another tree, still standing, just a few feet away, and realized all my work had been worthless. I had cut down the wrong tree.
My backyard used to consist of a meager patch of grass, a small garden, and a couple of grapefruit trees. My mom, wanting to expand our garden, was obstructed by the position of one of these trees. Seeing that this tree no longer produced any fruit she decided it was time to chop it down and uproot the stump of the offending plant. Shortly thereafter, despite my best reasons why my brother ought to be enlisted to the task instead, I was out hacking my way through a tree trunk. This was by no means a pleasant task, as anyone who has been in Arizona during the summer can attest. Strangely it never crossed my mind whether or not this was the correct tree. Motivated by a desire for an air-conditioned room and to move on to whatever apparently forgettable plans I had that night, I completed what I then thought to be the task at hand, thinking only of finishing as quickly as possible.
This motivation made learning that all my blisters and sore muscles had been for naught all the worse. My first instinct was to blame my blunder on someone else, or find a way around repeating the arduous task. There was no one else to blame and no other solution. I came to terms with what I had to do and, now knowing full well what lay ahead of me, I grudgingly began work on the correct tree.
This left me with an unwelcome amount of time to reflect on the mistake I had made. I was surprised to find that this time was considerably less than expected based on my previous experience. At first I thought maybe this tree was smaller, or the roots may not have been as deep. I then realized the difference was my own experience. After having done the same thing just moments before I knew exactly how I ought to swing the axe and just where around the stump I ought to dig.
It may not seem like a very significant experience, but it taught me not to fear failure, but learn from it as I make a second attempt. Rather than getting angry and frustrated over having done a math problem incorrectly or being reprimanded by my parents, I try and isolate what led me astray and refrain from repeating that mistake. From chopping down the wrong tree, I have learned not to avoid mistakes and their consequences, but to face them and learn from the experience.
I'm concerned it might not be serious enough or a little unclear. Please let me know what you think I could change to make it better.
Of course please be harsh and make any changes you feel necessary, be they big or small.
Thank you in advance for the help and I promise to return the favor for any advice.
p.s. it's only around 500 words because Yale wants it that way
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
Here's an updated draft. I'm still undecided on a few things; I think i'll implement a few other revisions soon. It would be great if someone could let me know if anything is unclear about it still.
"Why did you cut down that tree?" my dad asked as he inspected what I then thought to be a completed assignment. I was about to refute the validity of his question, claiming that it was what he had asked me to do several hours and a gallon or two of sweat earlier (not sure about this last bit) . I then stared incredulously at another tree, still standing, just a few feet away, and realized all my work had been worthless. I had cut down the wrong tree.
My backyard used to consist of a meager patch of grass, a small garden, and a couple of grapefruit trees. My mom, wanting to expand our garden, was obstructed by the position of one of these trees. Seeing that this tree no longer produced any fruit she decided it was time to chop it down and uproot the stump of the offending plant. Shortly thereafter, despite my best reasons why my brother ought to be enlisted to the task instead, I was out hacking my way through a tree trunk. This was by no means a pleasant task, as anyone who has been in Arizona during the summer can attest. Strangely it never crossed my mind whether or not this was the correct tree. Motivated by a desire for an air-conditioned room and to move on to whatever apparently forgettable plans I had that night, I completed what I then thought to be the task at hand, thinking only of finishing as quickly as possible.
This motivation made learning that all my blisters and sore muscles had been for naught all the worse. My first instinct was to blame my blunder on someone else, or find a way around repeating the arduous task. There was no one else to blame and no other solution. I came to terms with what I had to do and, now knowing full well what lay ahead of me, I grudgingly began work on the correct tree.
This left me with an unwelcome amount of time to reflect on the mistake I had made. I was surprised to find that this time was considerably less than expected based on my previous experience. At first I thought maybe this tree was smaller, or the roots may not have been as deep. I then realized the difference was my own experience. After having done the same thing just moments before I knew exactly how I ought to swing the axe and just where around the stump I ought to dig.
It may not seem like a very significant experience, but it taught me not to fear failure, but learn from it as I make a second attempt. Rather than getting angry and frustrated over having done a math problem incorrectly or being reprimanded by my parents, I try and isolate what led me astray and refrain from repeating that mistake. From chopping down the wrong tree, I have learned not to avoid mistakes and their consequences, but to face them and learn from the experience.
