Hi,
Can someone please edit this both for grammar and content? This essay is due really soon!
Thanks!
Here's the question:
While a University of Delaware education ensures that intellectual curiosity and a passion for learning become habits of the mind, our long tradition of public service also produces graduates who have a positive impact on their communities. Have you discovered your passion for a particular subject or a cause? Tell us about it.
Here's the essay:
An ambulance roars through the streets of outer Baltimore. A child has just been born nine weeks early, sick and unable to withstand the cruelty of the outside world. There is no room left at the new Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Howard County General Hospital, so he is rushed to St. Agnes Hospital, 20 minutes away. As this dangerous race against time continues, the doctors fear that the child might develop cerebral palsy or cystic fibrosis. The future for this child is questionable.
That child is me. Over the years, I heard countless stories of how lucky I was to have survived my premature birth and how the doctors worked so hard to save my life. As I began to grow older, I began to realize how truly special my birth was. I am truly grateful to the doctors, nurses, and countless others who worked to keep me alive and well. Soon the question, "Why me?" popped in to my mind, and the answer, based on all those stories, hit me like a freight train and has carried me on the track that I am on today.
I concluded that I am to follow in the footsteps of those who gave me life. Just like the many doctors and nurses that live to serve the sick and the needy of the world, I must offer both my intelligence and my abilities to my community and to all who need assistance. As I grow stronger in my passion to heal, I plan to give to the sick the gift that I was given almost eighteen years ago: the gift of a healthy, happy life. Yet, a passion for biology and public health is not the only requirement necessary. One must be willing to give their time to those in need of assistance. One must have a zeal for community service helping others. The Boy Scout Oath states "On my honor, I will do my best... to help other people at all times." Each Scout has a passion for cheerful service, just as I do. I have collected food, coats, and toys for the poor, caroled for the elderly (even though singing is not forte), and carried out countless numbers of service projects ranging from building benches to planting trees, from painting signs to building paths. I also organized and lead my own Eagle Scout project where I built a reflection garden and sitting area outside my community hospital where I was born to help those feeling the stress of sickness or the hospital environment. Helping others truly brings me happiness and joy.
Every day when I walk in to biology class, I feel that every organ system, every enzyme, and every shred of knowledge that I learn will prepare me for bringing health and wellness to others. One day in class, my teacher began to discuss ecology and evolution. In her lecture, she stated that every species and population has a niche, a word that I nostalgically recalled learning in years of attending summer nature camp in my elementary school days. I remembered that a niche was a population's role in its community, a responsibility that it must carry out. As class continued, I knew that I had found my niche: to help improve the lives of others through my unwavering ardor for biology.
Well written! I found no errors in the first half, but I will make recommendations below:
One must be willing to give his or her time to those in need, demonstrating zeal for serving the needs of others. (End the paragraph here, and start a new paragraph about the Boy Scouts)
This is consistent with the Boy Scout Oath, which includes: "On my honor, I will do my best... to help other people at all times." Each Scout has a passion for cheerful service, just as I do. I have collected food, coats, and toys for the poor, caroled for the elderly (even though singing is not my forte), and carried out countless service projects ranging from building benches to planting trees, from painting signs to building paths...
I hope it works out well for you!
Good luck!
Kevin
