Hi everyone, I just finished my common essay and it's a little bit more long than the requirement (650 words). I don't sure whether this essay is appropriate as a common app. I really need yor HELP!!
Please take a look at this essay, any comments and advise are welcomed!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! have a nice day:-)
PROMPT: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I can feel how precious it was when I realized I had grown up at that time, completing the transition from childhood to adulthood.
When I was only eight years old, my father decided to work far from home for whole family's living, the only cost is coming back home only twice a year. I was too young to accept this unexpected and sudden decision at that time; I thought he did not love me anymore and left me. No matter how many times mother explained to me that father just went out to find better job opportunities, and all these he did was for us, his leaving still haunted me and I could not help blaming him for this departure.
Whenever I saw parents sent their children to school delightedly, and I only had my mother with me, I could not stop asking myself, why I cannot own this "prestigious"? Whenever there was a sport meeting, I felt that I was the only one unable to get encouragement from father...Clearly I did not understand how important for him to support a whole family; I barely blamed him for not accompanying me as a little girl needed her father's love most. The only way made him know my feelings is to give a cold shoulder to him, never called and concerned him unless he gave me a phone call. He did not know how to respond to my aloof attitude, for all he could do is to work harder and to help me and mother live better, which gradually formed an insurmountable barrier between father and me.
However, things have changed in that day. I got a bad cold and ran a high fever; I felt like all strength had been exhausted. I lied in bed and suddenly my phone rang, it was my dad. I picked up the phone; to my surprised, I heard my dad was weeping. I never saw him cry even when the grandfather passed away, even when he left home to work, but now, he could not say any word but sobbing. After a while he said:" you would never know how guilty I am. If there is even one-thousandth chance that I can get back to you, I will not have any hesitation. However, I cannot, sometimes one must have to give up something in order to take his real responsibility. I cannot think of anything but you when you are suffering pain; you do not know how much I worry about you. Every time I hear your voice, I cannot stop blaming myself for leaving you; the only thing I want you to know is that I love you, I really do."
For that moment, I understood my father; it began to dawn on me that he was actually teaching me how to become a real adult. He did, in fact. I got to know how important to understand people who really love you, care about you, to accept the present situation, to take responsibility. For these years, he has been influencing me by his actions. I stop acting like a child and being puerile and negative; Instead, I focused on my schoolwork and dedicated more time and efforts to improving myself-to become more mature. I helped my mother to do more housework and learned to cook; I became a volunteer, as an English teacher for children whose parents also work far away just like my father; I joined in an economic club to work hard for my own dream. I texted him happy holiday on Father's Day, he said he felt gratified to see my growth. I told him that I decided to go broad for further study; I saw the tears in his eyes. I thought my decision was like to the decision he made ten years ago. He told me:" Kid, just go for it. You have been an adult; even though you have to leave parents and struggle in a totally new city, take your responsibility and fight for the future.
Sometimes one has to give up something in order to take his real responsibility; He gave up the important time that I need him most. However, he helped me finish this crucial transition from childhood to adulthood.
Please take a look at this essay, any comments and advise are welcomed!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! have a nice day:-)
PROMPT: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I can feel how precious it was when I realized I had grown up at that time, completing the transition from childhood to adulthood.
When I was only eight years old, my father decided to work far from home for whole family's living, the only cost is coming back home only twice a year. I was too young to accept this unexpected and sudden decision at that time; I thought he did not love me anymore and left me. No matter how many times mother explained to me that father just went out to find better job opportunities, and all these he did was for us, his leaving still haunted me and I could not help blaming him for this departure.
Whenever I saw parents sent their children to school delightedly, and I only had my mother with me, I could not stop asking myself, why I cannot own this "prestigious"? Whenever there was a sport meeting, I felt that I was the only one unable to get encouragement from father...Clearly I did not understand how important for him to support a whole family; I barely blamed him for not accompanying me as a little girl needed her father's love most. The only way made him know my feelings is to give a cold shoulder to him, never called and concerned him unless he gave me a phone call. He did not know how to respond to my aloof attitude, for all he could do is to work harder and to help me and mother live better, which gradually formed an insurmountable barrier between father and me.
However, things have changed in that day. I got a bad cold and ran a high fever; I felt like all strength had been exhausted. I lied in bed and suddenly my phone rang, it was my dad. I picked up the phone; to my surprised, I heard my dad was weeping. I never saw him cry even when the grandfather passed away, even when he left home to work, but now, he could not say any word but sobbing. After a while he said:" you would never know how guilty I am. If there is even one-thousandth chance that I can get back to you, I will not have any hesitation. However, I cannot, sometimes one must have to give up something in order to take his real responsibility. I cannot think of anything but you when you are suffering pain; you do not know how much I worry about you. Every time I hear your voice, I cannot stop blaming myself for leaving you; the only thing I want you to know is that I love you, I really do."
For that moment, I understood my father; it began to dawn on me that he was actually teaching me how to become a real adult. He did, in fact. I got to know how important to understand people who really love you, care about you, to accept the present situation, to take responsibility. For these years, he has been influencing me by his actions. I stop acting like a child and being puerile and negative; Instead, I focused on my schoolwork and dedicated more time and efforts to improving myself-to become more mature. I helped my mother to do more housework and learned to cook; I became a volunteer, as an English teacher for children whose parents also work far away just like my father; I joined in an economic club to work hard for my own dream. I texted him happy holiday on Father's Day, he said he felt gratified to see my growth. I told him that I decided to go broad for further study; I saw the tears in his eyes. I thought my decision was like to the decision he made ten years ago. He told me:" Kid, just go for it. You have been an adult; even though you have to leave parents and struggle in a totally new city, take your responsibility and fight for the future.
Sometimes one has to give up something in order to take his real responsibility; He gave up the important time that I need him most. However, he helped me finish this crucial transition from childhood to adulthood.
