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A Bloomfield College Admissions Self Recommendation



Etoile_Seul 1 / 1  
Jul 18, 2012   #1
Hi everybody, I've been struggling with an essay topic for a few weeks which, although simple, is broad and I need some guidance to go with the essay. Please give suggestions on things i should change or where i should lead the essay. It is ony a first draft.

The topic is:
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"What makes me different from other applicants? Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Summarize your academic performance and experiences over the past four years. Tell us about your professional aspirations and goals."

"Life has no smooth roads for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfill itself."

W.C. Doane

As a child I learned that life goals aren't easy to achieve. Me being born to a single teen mother and the eldest of five, I want to set an example and pave the way for my younger brothers and sister. Because I know what its like to struggle and through it all I am grateful for all the thing god has given me.

I cant speak for others because I don't know other applicants goals, but I can say some people are in it for the college life experience; and some are like me, we're here to achieve and succeed in life. I have many goals that I want to accomplish. Many of my goals are to work in the medical field doing different things, learning many languages, study and earn degrees in multiple fields.

I graduated High school with a 3.1 GPA. In School I was good at some Math, World History, Geography, Language Arts, Health, and some English. I easily grasp formulas and solve equations. I like to read and learn about different things especially geography and demographical things. I've always been interested in many different aspects of the medical field.

What I expect to gain from this college is to obtain my B.S. degree and become a respiratory therapist; a program in which Bloomfield offers. Then I would like to go back to school and take up another major. But my ultimate goal in life is to be successful, start a family and give my family the things I couldn't have in life.

deepakbaniya 3 / 91  
Jul 18, 2012   #2
"Life has no smooth roads for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfill itself." W.C. Doane

( its better to connect this with your sentences.)
OP Etoile_Seul 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2012   #3
Thank you so much i really appreciate you take the time to help me and give me your opinion.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 19, 2012   #4
This is a beautiful quote Deepak : )

I want to set an example and pave the way for my younger brothers and sisterssiblings .

( better to concentrate on your own aspiration and goals)

I agree with Deepak : )

Because I know what its like to struggle and through it all I am grateful for all the thing god has given me.

I prefer if you say this differently in order to have a better alignment with your prompt;
The hardships that I had and still have, in a way, helped me mature as a responsible person with more endurance, perceverance and determination. Therefore I am not only determined to pursue my dream career despite of all the obstacles on my way, but also determined to make my family's future brighter.
deepakbaniya 3 / 91  
Jul 19, 2012   #5
Yes, it is a wonderful quote!


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