"Born in China mainland" - Dickinson essay

Dickinson College founder, statesman and physician Benjamin Rush wrote several essays on education for this new nation. Listed below are three of Rush's philosophies. Choose ONE and explain how that philosophy relates to your talents, goals and the reasons you chose to apply to Dickinson.

*Dickinson students shall understand that they do not belong to themselves.
Any suggestions are highly welcome and appreciated.

School founder Benjamin Rush's philosophy of "Dickinson students shall understand that they do not belong to themselves" clearly states his expectation about Dickinson students to think beyond themselves and to understand their role in social responsibility. This is also a goal I want to achieve myself.

Born and brought up in mainland China, I witnessed much poverty and destitution. Poor people always suffered from a shortage of accommodation and food. Backward buildings and construction concepts prevailed. Those families that were unable to afford their children's education need our help and sympathy. Though recently, China's overall economy has soared dramatically, poverty and inequity still exist.

Ever since I realized I do not belong only to myself, I have been thinking about combating poverty and inequity. However, as a full-time student without income, what I can do is limited to rising donations in school. If I get enrolled in Dickinson, I believe I could command two crucial capacities to contribute the world.

I would first emphasis on my academic performances. I have a deep interest in engineering and business. Market survey helped me accumulate marketing experience, while engineering practice taught me general concept of construction. Once on a trip to a railroad construction site in Fuzhou, I found the workers were still using a technique called "explosion driving", which caused many casualties. I asked my father why they did not use "advanced shield driving"; my father told me that explosion driving is still the most widely used driving method in China because of financial and technological limitations. This alarming fact consolidates my will to use my own knowledge, to serve the community.

However, individual power can hardly affect the world. I must arouse others using my charisma and leadership, like I tried in school. From an announcer, to a clinic officer's assistant, and finally to the monitor of hygiene department in student union, I know that to lead also means to serve. It's a server to a larger community, a server to a grander target. My job at school which based on leniency is highly appreciated by fellow classmates. That's why the donation I held for the earthquake achieved a great success.

Since I understand I do not belong to myself, my life career has a final target of humanity. I believe the education in Dickinson would prepare me a life of service.

born and brought up in a comparatively remote area of China mainland, I witnessed much poverty and destitution

"Their family's most valuable electronics was a clock or a radio. Such families were" Try not to say family twice, it's repetitive

Though in years, the

I realized I do not belong only to myself

I have been thinking about doing something for poverty and inequity < instead of "for" poverty and inequity, because it sounds like you're supporting it, maybe something like "about combatting poverty and inequity" will work?

I must arouse others and it requires charisma and leadership, like I did in school < I must arouse others using my charisma and leadership

I know that a leader also means a server < i think you should change it to "I know that to lead also means to serve" because server sounds a bit weird

but overall great job! It's coming along well :D

So much thanks. The "server". It's really awkward. I did not notice that. Thank you again for the help.

Any more suggestions?

Born and brought up in mainland Chinacomparatively remote area of China mainland, I witnessed much poverty and destitution. Poor people always suffered from a shortage ofwere short of fundamental properties accommodation and food. A family'sTheir family's most valuable electronicsmost valuable possessions might be a clock or a radio. Such families were unable to afford their children's education, and there were always . There were used to be poor kidschildren who need our help and sympathy even in my class around me . Though recently yearsrecently , the overall economics of the countryChina's overall economy has soared dramatically, poverty and inequity still exist somewhere . Educational inequity emerges in the provinces where there are no prominent local universities. These issues are still pending, waiting for us to deal with.

I deleted unecessary sentences and inserted commas to make the sentences flow better. Although I only edited the first paragraph, I can see that your ideas are good, it's just the grammar and such. Good job.

Thanks. I can see sentences are getting succinct after revision.

That Benjamin Rush seems to have been a deep thinker.

I think you cando something clever by writing about the implication of the statement: if we do not belong only to ourselves, but instead belong to others as well, it follows that others also belong to us!

These issues are still pending, waiting for us to deal with them .

Hey, I just noticed your cool writing style, despite a few errors caught by these awesome reviews above. I must arouse in others the same motivation that I aroused in my peers from school -- and this requires charisma and leadership.

EF_Kevin
Yeah, this is a very unique point of view. However, others do not want to attend Dickinson, they might not realize that they belong to others. haha! Anyway, thanks a lot.

Thanks you guys for your help, following is the essay I submitted.

READ ABOVE

I would first emphasisemphasize

delete "myself" at the end of first paragraph, my 朋友.