'I was born in Mombasa, Kenya and lived with my mother and father' - UC college entrance essay

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.500 words max.

I was born in Mombasa, Kenya and lived with my mother and father. We shifted to The United States in 2004; my family moved around the country and continents quite a lot because of my father's inability to hold a job due to his alcoholism. Around 2008 my father kicked us out of our home in India, so my mom and I came back and lived with our relatives in California. Eventually my mom found a stable job working as a clerk in a convenient store in Georgia, and that's where I completed my high school education.

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Not too short Harikrishna. You just summarized most of the important aspects of the essay into one statement. You should target writing at little over half the word requirements in order to develop your discussion properly. Mention specifically the way your mother supported the family financially and how it affected your outlook in life. Specifically, your point of view about single mothers and how they need help to take care of their single parent unit families. You don't need to mention how you traveled the world with your father. Just discuss the abusive way he treated your family and how he could not hold down a job. That will make the essay more informative using an adequate word count.

I was born in Mombasa, Kenya and lived with my mother and father. We shifted to The United States in 2004 and shifted back to India around 2008 mainly because he was an alcoholic and couldn't hold down a job; The frustration from that caused more drinking and eventually physical abuse to mom. My father kicked us out of our home there, so my mom and I came back and lived with our relatives in California. Eventually my mom found a stable job working as a clerk in a convenient store in Georgia, and that's where I completed my high school education.

Living with my mother made me realize the importance of financial stability and an education; she worked everyday for years with zero days off, but barely made a minimum wage salary. She always reminds me how important an education is and how much she regrets not going to college. Also, the people around were cruel to my mother and didn't want to help us in any way because we had no money. I made it my mission to change all of that; the plan is to get a good education and find a profession I like and can contribute to. The second part of the plan is to also help single parents with children because I was raised by one and I sympathize with them. Every single parent should have someone to support them so their life can be better, and their children can have the same opportunities as others.

.Better?

Much better. However, I believe that you should explain how the lack of education on your mother's part hindered her ability to get better jobs and why your relatives refused to help her. That will play very well with her constant reminder that education is important. With regards to your plans, include your mother in that enumeration. Surely you have a plan to help your mother out after you graduate, perhaps by making her proud that you completed your education and that you were able to change societies expectations of you because of it, just like your mother predicted an education would. It will give the essay more personal touch and connection.