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"I left Jamaica to America with my mother and father" - mother's influence essay

devaun23 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2010   #1

Migration from Jamaica to America

Life is full of positive and negative things. At the young age of seven years old I left my native country of Jamaica to a distant and foreign place. My mother and I moved to this strange country leaving everyone I held dear, including my father behind, with the hope for a better life, higher education, and a chance to pursue my dreams. Many may perceive this as being a major positive change in my life, and indeed it was but it was very difficult to adapt to my new life. Upon my arrival, I feared that I would be targeted and marked as a foreigner due to my thick accent. As a result, I spent my first few years in America restrained and isolated from my peers. Fortunately, I had someone in my life to encourage me and give me support during some of the most difficult times in my life; this person has opened my eyes to see the good in America.

When asked who has had the most extraordinary influence on my life, the most obvious answer is my mother. My mother is more than the average parent; in my opinion she embodies the definition of a true parent. From early childhood my mother has been there for me. She's always eager to do whatever necessary to make sure I made the right choices. To ensure I wouldn't follow her footsteps, but, instead, become much more than she could ever imagine. She consistently made sacrifices in the hopes of giving me a better life, and pursuing my dreams. Unfortunately, it took me all seventeen years to realize that she is the most influential person in my life. Throughout my life my mother has not only been my teacher, my friend but also my role model. From the age of eight to eleven I would watch my mom as she worked several jobs and attend college at nights hoping to pursue a college degree. Many nights I would wake up only to find her doing home-work. The next morning I would ask her about it and she would encourage me to do well in school so I wouldn't be caught in her situation. With time I came to the understanding of the sacrifices she made and the reason behind them.

She has constantly been by my side to support me and boost my self confidence. She is always there for me with open arms and an infinite amount of love. But, most importantly, her determination and selflessness has shaped the person I am today. She has inspired me to constantly challenge myself, to dream big, and to aspire for greatness. Her selflessness has sparked my interest and passion for the medical field. Throughout my High School career I have struggled with some of my science classes. Some wondered if it was too much for me and suggested I should looked into another career, but my mother never wavered in her believes for me or my abilities to succeed at whatever I wanted to do. She would say "if the medical field is where you want to go, then you need to do whatever it takes to get there and succeed." She encouraged me to volunteer, get extra help when needed and even suggested getting a tutor. Her determination and resolve for me has enabled me to follow my path, always knowing in the back of my head that I have a rock (mom) to lean on

She has inspired me to be my own self advocate; to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself to me. Her nurturing during my upbringing has helped me to be self confident, ambitious and open-minded; she has encouraged me to create my own opportunities, instead of waiting for them to come to me. Today, I can openly speak for myself and I have created several extraordinary opportunities. I'm a proud member of Chem 4 Kids, an organization devoted to getting kids interested in the Sciences; I'm also a member of The Connecticut Youth Forum. In both of these organizations I can openly converse with people without feeling intimated, or nervous.

Thanks to these influences I have not only become more independent, but also more vigilant in my life choices. The continuous affection she expressed towards me throughout my life has taught me to put others before myself. Now, I have derived a sense of selflessness within me. Consequently, this has shown me how to express empathy towards others and be more sympathetic. It has inspired me to devote my life to helping others. Though all she has done and sacrificed, she never once complained. As long as I live I will always respect the influence that she has had on my life. And I will endeavor to take all that she has taught me as an inspiration to be all that I can be in the pursuit of my dreams. Without her I wouldn't be where I am today. It's interesting... how such simple gestures such as: unconditional love, encouragement, and support can have such dramatic impact on a child's life.

dennis730 1 / 7  
Oct 23, 2010   #2
The first sentence "Life is full of positive and negative things." caught my attention. But rest of the opening paragraph seems bland and cliche in comparison. I understand you want to set up the situation of immigrating to America but perhaps you can find a way to woven that fact into the body paragraphs.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Oct 27, 2010   #3
At the young age of seven years old I left my native country of Jamaica for a distant and foreign place we all know of as America.

Put this together as one sentence: Many may perceive this as being a major positive change in a child's life due to Jamaica being a developing country with insufficient health and educational resources.

(If you start a new sentence with "Due to..." it will be an incomplete sentence.)

Only use while if you are connecting it to the previous sentence:
While On the other hand, America is a well developed and prosperous nation, with an infinite amount of opportunities.

If you use this form of a sentence, keep it simple:
Throughout my life she has been not only my teacher, but also my role model and friend.

As long as I live I will always respect the influence that she has had on my life. --- Very nice ending. Well, now that you are taking your college education you are going to be able to return the favor. Just as she spent much of her adult life facilitating your success, you can get a great job and invest some time and money into helping her to do what she has aalways wanted to do. What has she wanted to do but been unable to do?

yumyum242 2 / 2  
Oct 27, 2010   #4
i prefer devaun23's beginning. I think it will make your essay stronger. good job tho :)
OP devaun23 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2010   #5
i have the "final version" of the essay: and thank you so much for the corrections :)

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