"born in Nicaragua" & "Bump on the road"

Hi,
I'm writing an essay for UCF and I'm really behind...I need your help guys...
any advices I would take into serious consideration..

Life is not what I expected it to be, I was born in Nicaragua and at the age of fourteen I moved to the United States. Now, I have come to realize the true meaning of the word "obstacle" or just a single "bump on the road".

What defines a person is not its attributes, but how he uses those attributes to overcome life's obstacles. Adaption to a new life in the United States was not an option, but a matter of survival. The Language Barrier has been the obstacle in my personal life, which helped me develop a sense of independence, responsibility, and integrity.

I started in the ESOL (English for Students of Other Languages) program with no basic knowledge in the language, seeing myself with no capacity to express ideas, not even able to ask for a simple favor, I persevered and started staying after school for extra help, and took extra courses in reading, writing and pronunciation. Everything started paying off, for example, FCAT results arrival. I passed the FCAT in one single shot.

Today I'm in the Top 15 of my senior class taking the most rigid classes offered by the school, Vice-President of the Spanish Honor Society club, Ex-Vice President and current historian of Science Honor Society, member of the Principal's student Advisory Committee, a member and tutor of Mu Alpha Theta (Math Honor Society). A well-known Marimbist and World language International Day School Representant, I now believe that I can rise through anything.

Thank You in Advance

i think its already perfect the way it is, but it sounds kind of braggy, i personally thought it was written by a jerk (no offense im sure youre a good person) but thats what it sounded like maybe try changing that a bit

instead of its, put his or her. this is pretty good.

Life is not what I expected it to be, I was born in Nicaragua and at the age of fourteen I moved to the United States. ---- this is a run on sentence.

Life is not what I expected it to be. I was born in Nicaragua and at the age of fourteen I moved to the United States. Now, I have come to realize the true meaning of the terms "obstacle" or just a single and "bump on the road."

What defines a person is not her or his attributes, but how s/he uses those attributes to overcome life's obstacles.

Don't capitalize this: The language barrier has been the obstacle in my personal life, and struggling against it helped me develop a sense of independence, responsibility, and integrity.

...I now believe that I can rise through anything.--- I think you are right!! You write very well.

I think its really good.
maybe you could put in more details of the positions held at the organizations, like what else you did at organizations.
Oh and for the "FCAT," It might be know that it stands for but maybe try putting it like this the first time: Fxxxx Cxxxxx. Axxxx Txxxxxx (FCAT), that way the readers know what it stands for; after that you can just abbreviate it.