Heya! These are my two current drafts for the UCF admission essays, I'm posting them as one thread because the word limit is 500 combined.
How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
My family has taught me to be grateful. After immigrating to the USA from Russia at the age of five, I had to quickly adapt to living in a new country in order to flourish. Growing up surrounded by other Russian families, I learned that not every child has the opportunity to start again in a new country with their mothers - some are left behind in the care of family. My mother abandoned behind her life to start a new one with me, knowing that I could accomplish more in America than in Russia. The occasional phone calls from my maternal grandparents have always left a mark on me - they struggle with a mix of English and Russian just to know that I am doing well. They came to the United States for a short visit several years ago, it was the first time I had seen them since I left Russia. My grandmother spent a lot of time talking to me and trying to comprehend my English. She cried if she could not understand something and at that moment I saw precisely how much I meant to them, a memory I will never forget. Realizing that my maternal family has always cared about my future and well-being enough to go through the challenges of moving to a new country has left a lasting mark on me, teaching me to be grateful for every opportunity in life. Their influence has brought me to my current accomplishments and continues to be a guiding force.
If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
Everyone has challenges in their lives, not everyone has to abandon their life to start anew. At the youthful age of five, I went through this change. At the time, I was living in my hometown of Yoshkar-Ola, Russia, in a small condominium with my mother and aunt. My family did their best, but they wanted more for me than Russia had to offer, especially education and opportunity. In the spring, my mother and I moved to the USA, much to my confusion and terror. We were to live with my new step-father and I was to attend school that autumn - something that drove me to tears due to my inability to speak English. When I left Russia, I abandoned my family, most importantly my aunt and maternal grandparents - leaving a gap thousands of miles wide. After months of adjusting to my new life, the Russian language began to slip from my grasp, widening the gap, as my Russian family faded, an immeasurable amount. Within a few years, my aunt moved to America as well, which delighted me with the opportunity to reestablish my bond with her. My maternal grandparents and I strained to maintain a sense of connection, with infrequent phone calls in which we struggled to communicate. A rift still exists between my family and I due to the barrier, however, it steadily becomes less of a challenge as I become more aware of their support.
Thank you so much for any commentary or revisions!
My mother abandoned behind her life to start a new one with me, knowing that I could accomplish more in America than in Russia.
They came to the United States for a short visit several years ago, and it was the first time I had seen them since I left Russia.
She cried if she could not understand something, and it was then that I saw precisely how much I meant to them, a memory I will never forget.
Their influence has brought me to my current accomplishments and continues to be a guiding force.---This is great!
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At the youthful age of five, I went through this type of challenge .
My family did their best, but they wanted more for me than Russia had to offer, especially in terms of education and opportunity.
This is a wonderful essay, very interesting and nicely written. Good luck with school!
:)
I REALLY like both essays, but I don't know if it is a good idea to answer the two essay prompts with such similar topics. But then again, maybe it's a good idea, because you'll be giving the admissions officers two different perspectives on an interesting topic.
So I would say just consider what I say.
And instead of immigrating in:
"After immigrating to the USA from Russia at the age of five..."
I would say change it to migrating:
"After migrating to the USA from Russia at the age of five..."
