Born in Peru, I came to the United States when I was seven. Armed with only two words ("Hello" and "Good-Bye"), I braved the uncertainties of a complex, new environment.
In my life there have been many obstacles and challenges I had to go through. I came to America ten years ago with my parents; it was rough to leave Peru, the place I was born and raised in; but I came to America to get a better life, education, and to live the American Dream.
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Good afternoon :)
What if you discussed your version of the American Dream? What is it you want to do with with your education? How will that get you a better life? What kinds of positive influences are your family members? How have they provided you with the strength you speak of?
Hope this helps!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
can you give a quick example if you were bout to write the 3rd paragraph
i cant think of a way to start off my 3rd paragraph...
i dont get what you mean by discussing my version of the American Dream
Good afternoon :)
What if you put in something like this:
Born in Peru, I came to the United States when I was seven. Armed with only two words ("Hello" and "Good-Bye"), I braved the uncertainties of a complex, new environment.
In my life there have been many obstacles and challenges I had to go through. I came to America ten years ago with my parents; it was rough to leave Peru, the place I was born and raised in; but I came to America to get a better life, education, and to live the American Dream, which to me is to me is be able to become successful, have a great paying job, a nice automobile, and a loving family. I am going to get there by finishing college and then obtaining a good job that I am interested in and that challenges me. What I want to do with my education is be able to go to one of the best colleges in California and choose a good major that I can live with and enjoy once I am done with college. This will help me get a better life because I will have a job that I am going to enjoy and cherish as well as being able to support my parents in return for everything that they have went through just to make sure I am successful. With my family by my side I know everything will work out somehow. I could not have made it this far without them. By having positive influences near me and the desire to pursue a better education I had the strength I needed to continue in a higher level of education.
During my short life, I have experienced many situations such as having the fear to talk in front of a crowd or present my project in front of the class; I managed to get through it with the support of my teachers and friends.
Now, to attach onto your last sentence, you can (in one or two short sentences) describe a time in which your friends and teachers supported you through a tough time. Then we'll build from there.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
how bout this thought fer a 3rd paragraph
Seventeen years of my life thus far, I have often experienced occasions where I needed to speak publically. To be honest, I am still simply terrified to make a presentation in front of a class yet alone speak in front of a large crowd. However, I have learned to go about my public speaking phobia with the guidance and support of my friends, family, and teachers.
Very nice!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
thanks
i was thinking like to add a little bit of detail bout my fear of public speaking but i dont know how i would address that into the essay
