Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. 600-800 words.
I was born to sell. More importantly, I am fated to become a successful entrepreneur. I can say this confidently thanks to my father. My father has always been the strongest influence in my life without a doubt. He's taught me the most important values of life: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity. He's also given me a strong mentality and will, partly because he's my own personal self-motivator. He inspires me to achieve greatness on a daily basis. He's always tells me, "El mundo es tuyo pero tienes que ganártelo". (The world is yours but you have to earn it). His rags to riches story, his family man character, and his open arms make him the ideal role model in my eyes. I feel that it is key for anyone that wants to understand who I am to know that I come from my family, and that I am my father's daughter. I feel a great sense of pride whenever anyone says, "Ella es exactamente como su padre." (She's just like her father).
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ok so above is the intro but im not sure if im in love with it. also, ill add the rest later because i am still working on it but any help would be amazing. please and thanks.
please i need help asap! also, i would like help on the grammar and any criticism would be greatly appreciated! thank you
I don't mean to sound overly critical but I don't even know where to start...
definitely add more and talk more about why you admire him, don't just make statements about his personality
Hope this helps!
oh yeah definitely this is just the intro but yeah im gonna show more than tell
im just confused on where to start
and thanks!
You need more variety in your sentence structures than what you have. Try to combine ideas such as, "My father strongly influences me due to his teachings on important values of life: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity.
My father has always been the strongest influence in my life without a doubt. He has taught me the most important values of life: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity.
He has also given me a strong mentality and will, partly because he's my own personal motivator .
Really, you should add a few more sentences about how your dad has shaped you, what is it about him? Maybe elaborate on his rags to riches story, and what YOU have learned from it.
I hope this is helpful.
Good luck!
:)
thanks. actually thats what i was going to do. that was my intro but and i have other paragraphs that elaborate on those aspects. ill upload them fairly soon.
I was born to sell. More importantly, I am fated to become a successful entrepreneur. I can say this confidently thanks to my father. My father strongly influences me due to his teachings on important life values: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity. He's also given me a strong mentality and will, partly because he's my own personal motivator. He inspires me to achieve greatness on a daily basis. He's always tells me, "El mundo es tuyo pero tienes que ganártelo". (The world is yours but you have to earn it). His rags to riches story, his family man character, and his open arms make him the ideal role model in my eyes. I feel that it is key for anyone that wants to understand who I am to know that I come from my family, and that I am my father's daughter. I feel a great sense of pride whenever anyone says, "Ella es exactamente como su padre."(She's just liked her father).
My father Jose grew up in the little "barrio" of Tahuantinsuyo (Lima), Perú. When my dad was 15, my grandfather passed away and my dad became the man of the house. At 15, he began to support his family while continuing his studies at La Universidad de San Marcos. Later he became a professor of political science and he worked at a car dealership to make ends meet. Aside from all of the struggles my dad was preoccupied with, my father always maintained a positive demeanor and never stopped dreaming about the day he would come to America. When he finally came to the United States with my mother, they worked several jobs. My father worked as a baker and as a carpenter. My mother worked as a maid, a waitress, and as a factory worker. My father always knew that the jobs he held were only a temporary arrangement and he always kept reaching for the moon.
From a young age, I witnessed the trials and tribulations my father faced in his achievement of the American Dream. Wanting a better profession my father applied for a job to sell insurance. Although he did not know much English, he had an eagerness and ability to sell, something that the hiring manager recognized. My father encountered a lot of racism along the way, but he didn't let it stop him from realizing his dreams. His charisma and the little English he knew proved to be more than enough for my father. He won prestigious awards for the number of policies he sold. Moreover, my dad earned the confidence of his clients and many of them are close family friends and they support us in other businesses we have established. My father's job opened a lot of doors for him. He started a tax preparation company, a marketing business, a mortgage/ real estate business, and he later started two magazines - Que Honda en la Bahía, and Tu Casa. He also became a radio personality for his program, Casas Y Mas. The purpose behind the radio show was to educate and inform the Hispanic community on how to buy homes, how to succeed in this country, and to motivate our Hispanic community. He has inspired many listeners to make good decisions and to become their own successes. At least once he has actually saved a desperate listener's life. When I think about the life my father has lived, I know that I want to live that same type of life. I want to be a self-made woman and I want to start a business in which I have strong long lasting relationships with my clients. If I can inspire any of them or if I can even save one of their lives, I can die happily.
******* OH YEAH BTW NOT DONE LIKE NOT EVEN CLOSE WHICH I KNOW IS TERRIBLE BECAUSE ITS REALLY LONG AND WHAT NOT BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS THINK OF IT SO FAR. WHAT I SHOULD TAKE OUT, WHAT I SHOULD KEEP, WHAT I SHOULD CHANGE, ETC.
THANKS AGAIN!
Just like in sales, do not waste any words:
I was born to sell. More importantly, I am fated to become a successful entrepreneur. I can say this confidently, thanks to my father. My father strongly influences me due to his teachings on important life values: family, integrity, ambition, and generosity. He's also given me a strong mentality and will, partly because he's my own personal motivator. He inspires me to achieve greatness on a daily basis . He's always tells me, "El mundo es tuyo pero tienes que ganártelo". (The world is yours but you have to earn it). ...
...
My father Jose grew up in the little "barrio" of Tahuantinsuyo (Lima), Perú.
Yes, I hope you will show your dad this great essay. He will feel so proud of you and himself. I am excited for him, because there is so much joy and fulfillment available for him in this essay you wrote.