Please help me revise my Williams Supplement essay.
English is not my first language and I need all the advice I can get to revise this essay. Thanks in advance!
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
I was born in Taipei, capital and most populated city of Taiwan. Every morning, looking out the fourteenth floor apartment, I could see endless rows of cars on the streets, busy vendors pushing their carts trying to sell to pedestrians, and tall skyscrapers high above our heads. Everywhere we went, the city was bursting with energy and the daily buzz of city life. Taipei filled my childhood with an array of opportunities for growth and development. However, shortly after my eleventh birthday, my family left Taipei behind and headed for a new life in America.
The United States offered a new view as my family settled in rural Riverside County. When I looked out the window, instead of seeing endless rows of cars, I saw a boundless field of oyster mushrooms. The streets full of vendors and pedestrians became goats and horses on nearby farms. To top it all, the familiar view of skyscrapers in my childhood turned to vast seas of farm vegetables and live poultry.
As I incorporated Western education into my life, I also tried to shape my unique Taiwanese American identity. America is socially, politically, and culturally different from Taiwan. Trying to merge the two worlds proved to be as difficult as trying to combine the farm scenery with Taipei's city lights.
I often reflect on what I have seen and experienced going to school and living in an isolated rural world, away from the opportunities offered in large cities. I have promised myself that I would not let the apathy of those around me affect my own passion for learning. I will continue to work hard and challenge myself, so that I could thrive when I return to the outside world after college. Looking beyond the mushroom fields, idle chickens and busy farm workers, I discovered a more peaceful and determined self behind a new window.
English is not my first language and I need all the advice I can get to revise this essay. Thanks in advance!
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
I was born in Taipei, capital and most populated city of Taiwan. Every morning, looking out the fourteenth floor apartment, I could see endless rows of cars on the streets, busy vendors pushing their carts trying to sell to pedestrians, and tall skyscrapers high above our heads. Everywhere we went, the city was bursting with energy and the daily buzz of city life. Taipei filled my childhood with an array of opportunities for growth and development. However, shortly after my eleventh birthday, my family left Taipei behind and headed for a new life in America.
The United States offered a new view as my family settled in rural Riverside County. When I looked out the window, instead of seeing endless rows of cars, I saw a boundless field of oyster mushrooms. The streets full of vendors and pedestrians became goats and horses on nearby farms. To top it all, the familiar view of skyscrapers in my childhood turned to vast seas of farm vegetables and live poultry.
As I incorporated Western education into my life, I also tried to shape my unique Taiwanese American identity. America is socially, politically, and culturally different from Taiwan. Trying to merge the two worlds proved to be as difficult as trying to combine the farm scenery with Taipei's city lights.
I often reflect on what I have seen and experienced going to school and living in an isolated rural world, away from the opportunities offered in large cities. I have promised myself that I would not let the apathy of those around me affect my own passion for learning. I will continue to work hard and challenge myself, so that I could thrive when I return to the outside world after college. Looking beyond the mushroom fields, idle chickens and busy farm workers, I discovered a more peaceful and determined self behind a new window.