Boston University - Supplemental Short Essay - Transfer Student

Hey guys,

I'm new here and I would really appreciate some feedback on this short essay. Thanks for your time.

Prompt:
In a few sentences, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission?

My Essay Response:
Immigrating as a child to New York from Ukraine was a scary experience for me, but my fear was quickly overcome because I was surrounded by a Ukrainian community. By being surrounded by a Ukrainian community I was able to accept my new city as my own. Now that I am ready to leave New York behind it is my belief that Boston University is the best fit for me not only because it will offer me the intellectual stimuli I so desperately grave but also because Boston has a huge Ukrainian population which will allow me to feel more at home and accept a new city as my own.

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181 Characters Available After Essay.

What do you guys think? Is it strong or should I work on it some more? Thanks for your help.

You come off as narrow minded by saying you want to move to Boston to be surrounded by other Ukrainians, in contrast to diverse cultures. Also, the prompt asks why BU is a good fit, not the city of Boston. Please check out my NYU one. Thanks! :D

I also don't think it would be a good idea to talk about moving because of the Ukrainian population, it does come off as a bit narrow-minded, and I don't think admission officers would be too pleased. Just talk more about BU itself and what it specifically has to offer to you (programs, courses, organizations, etc. Any of these would do!).

Please check out my essay as well, if you can! I'd appreciate it!

Hey,

I wrote that I want to move to Boston to feel more at home. I know that there are a lot of Ukrainian students at Boston University. Should I instead write about this idea?

You could write about that as well, but I don't think you should go into too much detail. Having a lot of Ukrainian students around may be good for you socially, but how does BU fit you? How is it good for you education-wise? I think it's good to focus more on that!

Good luck!

Old idea scratched.

New Essay:
It is my belief that Boston University will provide me with the resources necessary in order to continue my aspiration of becoming a physician. I respect the fact that Boston University allows students the flexibility to choose their own undergraduate routes in obtaining majors. I enjoy being advised in many aspects of my life and the fact that Boston University provides pre-med advisors makes me more excited, because I know I will be provided with help and assistance.

What do you guys think? Thanks.

Can anybody give me any criticisms on the new essay?