AHH, my Boston deadline in 3 days -paniccccckk- I did see quite a few UC essays posted on nov 30 though... but I'm so mad at myself for leaving it to the last minute! Anyways here it is:
(Sorry left out the title: It's basically asking why I chose BU)
What attracts me to Boston University is its atmosphere; both academically and environmentally. I first came across Boston University at a Linden Fairs university exhibition two years ago. I didn't know it then, but I took away crucial information about my first choice prospective university. As I read the newly dug out pamphlets, I discovered that Boston University offers programmes that would not be found elsewhere. The university's strive for academic excellence through modern methods grabbed my attention immediately. Students are given the opportunity for (strong interaction)* with faculty members and are allowed to attain degrees in two separate Schools.
But *to me, going to university isn't just about the academics. It's a chance to explore and develop interests, integrate within the new community and step out of the old comfort zone. Boston University has one of the largest international undergraduate populations; not only will it offer me the multi-cultural education that I've been used to all my life, but at the same time, it will 'broaden my horizons'. The ability to fit in and survive in a new environment, without the aid of parents and old friends is important. With 400 student organizations promoting diversity, the essentiality of fitting in will become automatic and instinctive.
*Strong interaction: Could you help me come up with an adjective that describes regular interaction with faculty
*But: should I just cout out the but and start the sentence with "To me". The latter sounds a bit weak, but I'm not sure if starting the sentence with 'but' is grammatically correct.
Ugh, kinda rushed and unspecific, but whatever I have no timeee..
By the way, I'm applying as an international student, but English is my native language since I've lived in America and attend an international school. The thing is, I'm not an American citizen. I know that this would be taken into consideration, but would it be a great disadvantage?
Thanks :)
Greetings!
I think you have a good essay here. It just needs a little smoothing in places.
"What attracts me to Boston University is its atmosphere; both academically and environmentally." - the semicolon should be a comma. I'm not sure "environmentally" is a very descriptive term here; I'm not really sure what you mean by it. Also, I think this sentence belongs in the next paragraph. It really doesn't fit with the sentence that follows. You could start with "I first came across Boston University ..."
first choice prospective university - since you're using it as an adjective, say "first-choice"; same with "newly dug-out" although to me, that's a little awkward. What about just saying "the pamphlets I'd brought home"?
"Boston University has one of the largest international undergraduate populations; not only will it offer me the multi-cultural education that I've been used to all my life, but at the same time, it will 'broaden my horizons'." This should be two sentences. Make the semicolon a period. And "largest international undergraduate populations" where? In the U.S.?
"survive in a new environment, without the aid of parents and old friends is important." - put a comma after "friends."
"With 400 student organizations promoting diversity, the essentiality of fitting in will become automatic and instinctive." This sentence is not very well-constructed. You could say,"With 400 student organizations promoting diversity, Boston University encourages a student like me to both fit in and embrace new experiences."
I agree that "strong interaction" is not the best word choice. What about "ongoing interaction" or "important" or "vital" interaction?
"But, to me," is an acceptable way to start that paragraph, but I think it's unnecessary. You could just begin with "Going to university ..." By the way, using "university" without an article is a more British form of expression (we Americans might say "Attending a university"), as is spelling "programs" as "programmes." I doubt that that makes any difference, but thought I'd mention it. I don't see how your not being an American citizen could be a disadvantage when applying for admission to a school with "one of the largest international undergraduate populations." It sounds as if they encouage foreign enrollment.
Best of luck to you -- and try to relax!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Hey, thanks for the reply! Yeah, you're right, I go to a British foundation school so that's where all those expressions came from. I'll go change it now... and this site rocks! : )
So glad we could help! :-)
Sarah, EssayForum.com
