Help with my CommonApp Q #2
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Katelyn Joy Burnett
Bouncing Back is What Counts!
Life seems perfect when you're a kid. The world is a' kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and sounds', and you think everyone is your friend. If you saw the ice cream truck round the corner, your day was made! This is how I thought when I was younger, until age 11 when everything changed. My mother called my younger brother and I into the room and sat us down. She started to explain that what was happening wasn't our faults and that 'Mommy & Daddy' loved us very much. Eventually, she got to the part that no kid wants to hear. This started a blood feud between my parents for the last 6 years that ended in my being moved around 8 times. School after school; house after house, but nothing felt like home.
This isn't my story of a happy-go-lucky childhood with two Christmases and Thanksgivings. It's about how I learned to cope with a 'divorce' of my own -My separation from my childhood home, the only place I ever knew; leaving friends and family to journey to uncharted lands. I felt lost, I distanced myself from society and grew a shell. A hard outer covering that keeps people out so as not to be harmed. This is the story of Katie the Turtle.
The first time we moved, I was bullied on the very first day of 5th grade, this was the start of a downward spiral. The next couple of moves were out-of-state which meant no more 'Daddy Daughter' weekends, but it also meant a fresh start. My father is my superhero no matter what, so being away from him brought feelings of animosity towards my mother. Watching her move my brother and I around like rag dolls tugged at my heartstrings and caused me to sink deeper into my shell. Every move was 'The Last Move"... until it wasn't! We were never able to truly settle; when we got home from our grandparents house all of our things were already boxed up. Seeing my name written in big black letters across another box, that marker was the only permanent thing. Just thinking about moving vans gives me the shivers, can you feel the chill?
Coming out of my shell was hard. Making friends was hard enough without feeling that the floor could drop from under you in seconds flat. But, in Nashville I did it! Musical Theatre has always been my greatest passion in life; that's what got me through. Sophomore year I was in a production of Suessical the Musical. Who knew that Dr. Suess would pull me out? Playing a Who made me realize just WHO I was. Theatre is a haven, my safe space was being surrounded by my cast- my new family! Anytime we learned a song or dance move I felt comfort, I felt more in control of my life. Being there helped me to become stronger, I know now how to stand unafraid in the Lion's Den like Daniel. With God as my rock and Theatre to help give me the extra push along the way, I feel as if I can accomplish anything.
Life can be hard if you let it knock you down, not to sound cliché. But I feel like moving didn't break me- it helped me to become who I am today. It showed me that change is inevitable, but it's how you weather the storm that determines your character. I have grit and determination, when it comes to.. school, relationships, grades, Life! If you're wondering what my failure was; it wasn't one incident, it occurred several times. 'The Moves' threatened to disable me and muddle my future, but I have more resolve now. College is illumination, light, the pursuit of knowledge- That's happiness, and Katelyn Joy doesn't back down from the fire.
hi katiejoy, allow me to give a comment here. overall, your essay look good, i have read it.
may be more practice is the key to get large improvement. and better if you pay more intention about articles like a, an, in, on, or the and time conjuctions like when, after, before etc. I think, if you make a complete sentence,it will be better.
Life seems perfect when you're a kid. The world is a' kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and sounds', and you think everyone is your friend. If you saw the ice cream truck round the corner, your day was made! (please check about this conditional sentence) This is how I thought when I was younger, until age 11 when everything changed.
and the last may be, for good improvement, we need concentrate on gramatical, how consistant it is used in our essay.
hey I am also witing the common app essay number two and it would appreciate some help with it.
first the grammar:
what was happening wasn't our faultsfaultno plural
can you feel the chill? cross it out doesnt bring anything to your essay.
finally i think that your essay was marvelously phrased iwth a good conversational tone, but I think that this essay is better suited with the first prompt or the last one which wants you describe an event that marked your transition for childhood to adulthood. I think the divorce could be a very good topic for that. You dont need to change the topic completely, just rephrase to the fit the other prompt
Good luck on College apps!
