Bowdoin Supplement 2009

I belive the esaay is 56 words too long right now and the closing my need revisons. Any feedback is welcome.

Bowdoin is a liberal arts college that thrives on intellectual discourse in and out of the classroom. Students, faculty, and staff all participate in the exchange of ideas in an atmosphere characterized by high achievement and a sense of balance. The Admissions Committee is eager to learn more about you and your school community. Reflecting on your own educational experiences, how have you prepared yourself to enter an academic environment like Bowdoin's? (Suggested length: 250-500 words.)

Essay:

Throughout my high school experience I have learned to identify ways of problem solving, be a team member, and be a leader. These skills have developed at Marshwood High School through work in classrooms and athletic facilities and in the local community.

For the past five years I have devoted summers to working for the South Berwick Recreation Department. This job has provided experience with a range of people in the community through working at penny sales, after school programs, and summer camp. Primarily the latter two have provided me with the chance to be a responsible leader. In the after school program Mad Science I helped elementary students build flying model rockets and other such experiments. In the summer camp program I created new games to play and provided children aged five to twelve with fun and safe trips to amusement parks. In both situations it was my duty to set an example for the children and be there for any guidance they may have needed.

The Marshwood High School field hockey team has provided me with experience as a team member. This team met everyday from mid August to the beginning of November. The program is one in which everyone is open to trying new methods because of the low number of participants that places freshmen on the starting varsity. The freshmen playing alongside seniors has never been a problem; I believe is has made the team closer. As a freshman it was a great experience to learn from seniors and as a senior it's an excellent feeling to know others look up to you, especially as the captain. Marshwood has always won and lost as a team and set goals to work towards as a group. The goal for the past four years has been to make post-season. Freshman year the team did not win a game. Sophomore year the team won three games. Junior year the team won five games. Senior year the team won six games. Steady progress was made but this year the team missed post-season by one spot in the standings.

At Marshwood High school the focus has always been on identifying ways of solving problems. In mathematics I was always encouraged to solve a problem with my knowledge first before the teacher derived the formula to use from then on. English teachers always focused on grammatical rules and sentence structure by encouraging students to correct papers after they had been graded so mistakes could be identified. Science teachers have always encouraged me to try problems first before asking for help. When asking a question the teachers never gave a straight answer, instead asked questions that helped lead me to the answer myself.

I believe these experiences have provided me with the knowledge in order to succeed at Bowdoin College where students work both as individuals and together in and out of the classroom in education and research. I am prepared to work hard and represent the Polar Bear's well in all communities.

Throughout my high school experience I have learned to identify multiple approaches to problem-solving, both as a team member and as a leader.

At Marshwood High school the focus has always been on identifying ways of solving problems.----This makes me ask, "Whose focus?" Maybe you could revise this sentence to include the word "teachers" or "curriculum" or "classes."

When asked a question, the teachers never gave a straight answer, but instead asked questions that helped lead me to the answer myself.

I believe these experiences have provided me with the knowledge necessary for success at...

This is very nice, and you write clearly. I think you could improve it be using some of their terms in your discussion: high achievement & balance. If you incude those in your discussion, the essay will be rooted in the prompt question.