Hi guys, I would love some feedback on my essay for Bowdoin College, the prompt is [i]Reflecting on one of your own interests and experiences, comment on one of the following ...
I chose the common good, my friend says I need to be more personal with the experience, does anyone else think that?
It is a common practice in my family, every year to share what we have been blessed with throughout the year with those less privileged than we are. Each year, as it creeps closer to December, I begin to gather things that I feel will make more impact in another person's life than it will in mine. Items such as clothes, bags of rice, old toys, packets of noodles and anything else I can get my hands on, are all stored until Christmas.
When the season of giving arrives I take these items to school where we throw a special party for the less privileged children each year. We play games together, give out gifts and provide food to those who cannot afford such luxuries. In turn I gain the greatest gift of all, the smiles I see on otherwise sad faces and I am glad because I helped to make someone else happy.
My mum has a beautiful saying; 'You are the real Santa when you give a poor man a reason to smile, and not when you give a rich man one more material thing to be proud of.'
Every day, I aspire to be The Real Santa by trying, even through meaningless actions like saying 'hello' the adults that visit my school each day, to make those around me smile. I believe that with Bowdoin's commitment to the Common Good, I will be provided with the educational background and a plethora of opportunities to make the world happy, one smile at a time.
I agree with your friend. You are already beginning to write about how it affects you personally and how you gain happiness from helping others, but right now how you explain your actions is too vague. Perhaps try choosing one specific year in which you gave presents to one of the children. Describe the event and the children's reactions to your kindness in detail and then conclude your experience with how, personally, you gained satisfaction and inspiration from giving to those who have less than you.