be harsh, make me cry, hold back no punches. if this essay sucks tell me so i can fix :]
Please include a short response explaining why you want to attend Brandeis. Please limit your response to 250 words or less.
As I sat at my desk looking at this question, a lot was speeding through my mind. With all of the amazing colleges and universities out there, why would I want to go to Brandeis? Who in their right mind would want to go to Brandeis? Brandies is a world class school that combines the feel of being at a small college with the education, resources, and faculty of a major university. Yuck! Brandeis is one of the newest and one of the most elite schools in the entire world. Pssht! Brandeis students never run out of things to do because Boston is only a free shuttle away. If their students decide they would rather stay on campus there are always things to enjoy on campus ; such as the traditions of going to the Pachanga's and sledding down the snowy hills on cafeteria treys. Why would I want to have fun? Why would I want to go to a school that boats about strong academics, an exciting and extravagant student life, and a phenomenal community? Who would want to go to such a place? Actually...that doesn't sound that bad at all. Sign me up!
As I sat at my desk looking at this question, a lot was speeding through my mind. With all of the amazing colleges and universities out there, why would I want to go to Brandeis? Who in their right mind would want to go to Brandeis?
Omit all of this since it doesn't contribute to your answer in any way!
And the 'yuck' and 'psccht'...? Delete them! You have to sound confident int his essay! Show the school that you deserve to go there!
Actually...that doesn't sound that bad at all. Sign me up!
Not a good answer to your question fo why you want to go to Brandeis. Keep the part where you write about the good things about the school and write about how Brandeis would change you as a person and the benefits such an amazing institution could bring to you.
Ha ha, this is clever, but it is contrary to my philosophy of admission essay writing. If you are going to use this, try this way:
As I sat at my desk looking at this question, a lot was speeding through my mind. With all of the amazing colleges and universities out there, why would I want to go to Brandeis? Who in their right mind would want to go to Brandeis? Brandies is a...
It packs a stronger punch this way.
But it is contrary to what I think it most important. I think it is important to write in a way that shows you are hopelessly preoccupied with your meaningful plan, which absolutely MUST begin with attending Brandeis.
Your reason for wanting this school should be the crucial role it will play in enacting your plan.
i agree w/ the above posters, this essay doesnt target brandeis, it just falls under the vague generalizations that so many why college essays do, ex., "who in their right mind would want to go to Brandeis? Brandies is a world class school that combines the feel of being at a small college with the education, resources, and faculty of a major university", this is the height of vague jargon, im not blaming you because so many people do it, but this doesnt say anything hte school doesnt already know, you dont need to complement what a great school it is, the adcoms know this, talk about how the school will impact you and your development, specifically, as in what clubs, organizations or unique academic characteristics(and be specific, not just oh its a free liberal environment). Heres another generalized claim, "Why would I want to go to a school that boats about strong academics, an exciting and extravagant student life, and a phenomenal community?" This essay as Kevin said shows very little about your development, your plan, sure hte sleds and the events are nice, but if thats the only true reason you have for wanting to go there, then gaah, thats not gonna sit too well w/ adcoms, know what I'm getting at?
The approach is also all or nothing, thats not necessairly a bad thing but realize, this is either an appraoch a tired adcom will love and think is unique and refreshing, or this is going to really iritate and annoy a tired adcom whos seen this kind of strategy done before and rather than seeing this as creative, he sees this as a ploy or some other cheap thing. So realize that your either turning on or completely turning off an adcom here, but as i said, if your gonna keep this idea, you have to develop the idea more, about you, your development, specifics about the school, for the effect of oh thats not so bad i want to go here to real come through.
sorry to be harsh, as i said, an adcom might love this espec if there in a good mood and havent seen something like this in a while, or they might hate it, but i always think this kind of aggressive attitude is best for these top colleges. Good luck