Hi guys! I'm new to this website, and I'm looking forward to reading all of your essays! I know it's last minute, but before I send it out, I would greatly appreciate some feedback on my Brandeis supplement. The question is, "If you could choose to be raised by robots, dinosaurs, or aliens, who would you pick? Why? This is longer than 250 words... but less than the character limit. Is that okay? Any tips on trimming? Thank you guys so much in advance!!!
What would it be like to be reared by non-humans? Legend says Romulus was raised by wolves, and he was the founder of Rome. Could creatures really bring human beings to such heights? How about robots, dinosaurs, or aliens? Being raised by one of these is nearly unfathomable to one without imagination. However, if I had to pick, aliens would appear to be the best choice. Seeing as how robots have no true feelings (their circuitry can only allow for emulation) and dinosaurs existed in a time where life was only about survival and humans were non-existent, aliens seem to be the only life forms capable of human-like advancement, and maybe beyond. I would not want to be raised by an overly violent and brutish race, such as Klingons for instance. But if the human-created genre of science fiction serves as any base, there is a possibility of being raised in a world far more advanced than our own. Hovercraft, flawless political systems, and intergalactic transportation are but a few things my mind can conjure up that would be thoroughly amazing to behold. However, alien life could possibly be vastly different than in the workings of human imagination. Space is fathomless and a complete unknown. I would take my chances though. I personally do not find scrounging for meat with dinosaurs or lacking true humanoid personality appealing. With aliens, the possibilities are endless. One could satisfy far-reaching curiosity with prospects of galactic discovery, of a universal peace, and an invention for everything your mind can, or may not be able to, conjure, such as in Caladan, a planet in Frank Herbert's Dune. My choice, therefore, would be an upbringing by aliens, who might offer me knowledge of and a window to the future, as well as the opportunity to find the answers to many questions that humans have desperately sought through religions, philosophies, and science since the beginning of time.
To quote an AO:
"We believe the word limits as stated for the essay questions in the application should be sufficient to answer the questions. You may choose to send in the essay at a length that exceeds our stated limit; it is your choice. We do not auto-reject candidates because of word length, but we believe the word limit specified usually should be sufficient. If your essay is greater than the word limit, I would recommend considering cutting down your essay; it's your call whether to submit it as it currently is, though." - Matt McGann
Take it as you will. But I have provided some edits that will shorten it. An overarching theme is that your essay seems to be "thesaurized", i.e. incredibly wordy and over complicated. However, what colleges are looking for is something that is truly you. Hope this helps, and if you could edit mine that would be greatly appreciated.
