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Bringing attributes of Determination and time management to UF



penutsmurf 1 / -  
Nov 1, 2009   #1
I was born at the Yale New Haven Hospital, in New Haven, Connecticut. From the moment I was born, I was bound to be unique. I was due two weeks prior to my birthday. I am the third and youngest child of our family. As the youngest child, I had the advantage of learning from my brother and sister's mistakes that they made when they were growing up. I was different compared to my brother and sister. As I was growing up I had to balance my studies with my opportunity to play baseball at a competitive level. My parents were not experienced with this situation because my brother and sister only focused on academics and were not involved in team sports as I was.

Playing baseball competively and excelling in my studies is not an easy task. It is difficult to balance school, baseball, and the social aspects of my life; however, I had to learn how to adapt to this lifestyle. Especially in high school, I had to attend baseball practice every day after school for multiple hours; after a tiresome day of hard work I had to complete my studies in order to excel in my academics. As I was growing up, I played for many different travel teams and had to understand and respect different coaching styles. Also, new players were added to my team and I always had to be open to meeting and bonding with my teammates.

As time passed, baseball became more competitive I began to play during the summer time. I played for a new team and coach every summer, and there have been new players that I have had to make friends with to play together as a team. Not only have I traveled all around the state of Florida competing in tournaments with teams, but I also have traveled many miles from home to play this game. My parents were not experienced with this drastic change of having to travel out of state often for a baseball tournament or showcase. This has opened me up to diversity among different players from all over the country and changed my whole viewpoint on life because of being open-minded with so many unique individuals.

Being the individual that I am, I feel like I would be able to be an exceptional addition to the University of Florida campus. I have learned to get along with new people all throughout my life, I am always up for a challenge because I have turned into a determined human being, and having the knowledge of how to manage time between two important aspects, baseball and academics will become an important tool to becoming a part of the University of Florida campus.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 3, 2009   #2
Oh, this part is very good!! ----> As the youngest child, I had the advantage...

I think you should cut out the sentences that come before it, though! They do not help. Start with that interesting thought. And then prove it with some examples of learning from their mistakes and examples.

Nope, it is not difficult to balance school and baseball. that is what part of the essay makes me think. It sounds like a great life, school and baseball. I think you should talk about specific work you want to do, subjects you cannot get enough of. Impress the reader with your ideas.

I think this is great as a way of brainstorming how you perceive your life, but now write something for the reader -- a real narrative that draws the reader into the story... clear examples, and words that make us see images. I look forward to the next draft!


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