Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you?
If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)
Different people have different portrayals of a person's personality based on their experiences.
For instance, my parents would describe me as independent and a critical thinker. As a child, my mom would always tell me to "look at the big picture" and to "approach problems from different angles". Growing up, I have always been able to analyze obstacles that I am faced with solve them on my own. Though I value other people's input, I have the capabilities to handle my own problems without relying on others.
Furthermore, when I asked my best friend to describe me, she said that I was a thoughtful and caring person; I always go above and beyond in everything that I do and my efforts are evident. I have a big heart as I'm always there for my friends for support and I go out of my way to check up on them or make sure that everyone feels included.
Having good time management is something I'm proud of. Academics aside, much of my time was devoted to extracurriculars, sports, tutor classes, volunteering and my daily dog-walking responsibilities. Juggling everything at once can be overwhelming and this caused me to be stressed and have panic attacks out of anxiety. Work kept piling up and I was at a breaking point and on the verge of crashing like a car pushed to the tip of a cliff. However, I was able to overcome this by remaining calm and focusing on everything one at a time.
Thank you in advance for any feedback or suggestions!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753
There is a lack of clarity in some of your sentence presentations. For example:
- I have always been able to analyze obstacles that I am faced with solve them on my own (what exactly do you mean in reference to problem solving? There is a missing word here)
- I have a big heart as I'm always there for my friends for support (There is a grammar structure issue here. Either a missing word or a change of word usage is required)
Do not muddle the last paragraph with all of your activities. It isn't time management that you should be proud of. Revise the paragraph to focus instead on why you are proud of being able to remain calm and focused when things are crazy, hectic, and confusing. Use one example to help explain your point. Do not use so many reference points that you fail to clearly explain yourself in the paragraph.
Actually, that is the main problem with your presentation. Your paragraphs have a problem clearly explaining what you want to say. Either because you rushed the writing of the statement (and forgot to proof read and correct the errors) or, because you need professional help in cleaning up the presentation. Either way, this is a good draft, just review, edit, and revise the presentation until you achieve the clearest response presentation that you can.