"My brother is caring, intelligent and funny"- Person Who Influenced you

Any suggestions to how i can proceed with this?? im really stuck on this essay and i need to finish ASAP. Any criticism will help!

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Amidst the light, friendly atmosphere of restaurant, a piercing scream erupts from the person to my left. The room freezes, for just a second, which stretches on for what seems like hours. Smiles drop, waiters stop in their tracks and all conversation seems to cease, and the only noise comes from the yelling boy by my side, the very boy who is now pulling hairs from his head as he attempts to deal with his frustration. This boy is autistic. This boy is my brother, Daniel.

My brother is caring, intelligent and funny. But you could never tell that from simply meeting him. Since being diagnosed with autism six years ago, my family has poured thousands of dollars into therapy in order to make my brother be able to fit in today's society. Despite this, my brother remains nonverbal, unable to communicate even the simple desire to go to the bathroom. My brother's struggle remains a constant reminder of how fortunate I am. How can I complain about a trivial thing such as homework, when my brother can't even write? My brother makes me humble; my brother has made me who I am today.

I enjoyed how your essay took upon a personal touch. Seeing that you have taken your brother's autism into deep consideration is evident.

If you still have words available, perhaps you can include more information about how you have learned from your brother.

Otherwise, this essay was altogether nicely written...a great start.

thank you very much!=]

Please read my essay...? :)

The room freezes (no comma necessary here) for just a second, which stretches on for what seems like hours.

Smiles drop, waiters stop in their tracks, and all conversation seems to cease. and The only noise comes from the yelling boy by my side, the very boy who is now pulling hairs from his...

This boy is my brother, Daniel.----Oh.. I hope you got permission from him before writing this essay about his symptoms.

This essay is interesting, but the insight you express is a little too simplistic. It seems like the first insight one might get in your situation is to appreciate what you can do, but... I think you can dig a little deeper and learn something more. This essay is good, but it has potential to be better if you expound an insight that is a little subtler than just "how fortunate I am."

:-)