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MY BROTHER - Common app essay - person with a significant influence on you


laceyloomer 1 / 1  
Nov 23, 2009   #1
This is my common app supplement. I'm having trouble with the conclusion. Also my english teacher said I should get rid of the beginning paragraph, any ideas? Any help would be appreciated.

Question: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

When you first meet someone, many questions are pondered, but, one of the most asked questions is, do you have any siblings? I have one half-brother named Isaac, he lived in the same house as I did on and off throughout his childhood. Being that we are 7 years apart, we were never close growing up, but that gradually changed as we grew older.

On my fourteenth birthday, Isaac wanted to take me to Target so that I could pick out my present that he was going get for me. I picked out a few movies that I had wanted for a while. We went to the checkout lane with our purchases, where my brother proceeded to take out his credit card and hand it to the cashier. At this time he also took a picture out of his wallet, looked at me and said, "Look Lacey!!! Isn't my boyfriend cute??!!"

I thought about this incident for the next few days. He had never really had a girlfriend come to the house, but he had gone to prom his junior and senior year. What did this all mean?

Accepting that my brother was gay was not a problem for me. He was and always would be my brother whom I loved. At this time in my life, I was in high school with new friends and I was dealing with new experiences. I was nervous at first about introducing my brother to my friends. Just because I was open to his way of life, I couldn't assume everyone else would be as well. Some of my friends had no problems or reservations about it. It has never been an issue between us and they continue to me some of my closest friends. Some acquaintances of mine were not as accepting. They would make comments such as, "I've never met a real gay person before." Others would say in a slightly judgmental tone "Oh! That's cool." These kinds of comments would, at times, make me question how I felt about having a gay brother, if it was a bad thing, or just something I shouldn't even talk about. Sometimes these same people made jokes about being gay, or used the saying "that's so gay," in a derogatory manner. They realized that I was in the room and made a point to apologize to me as if they thought they were offending me as if everyone else shouldn't be offended as well. These interactions made me uncomfortable and embarrassed.

I came to the conclusion that it was not I who should be embarrassed but they should be for making such judgmental statements. He was comfortable and proud of whom he was and that these forms of ignorance were not going to hurt him anymore. I suspected through his years in high school and growing up that is wasn't always easy for him to fit in. Realizing this opened my eyes to how strong of a person he was, and through all the adversities he endured, he only became stronger.

My brother Isaac showed me the world in a new light: that it was okay to be different, to be true to one's values and not to conform to what others think. I learned that I should live my life as I see fit and not judge others because I do not want to be judged. Throughout my life so far, I have met many people of different; social, ethnic and economic backgrounds. As I prepare for college and move on to a new chapter in my life I hope that I meet new people that will accept me and my differences just as I would be open to theirs.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 23, 2009   #2
I'm confused why you have that sentence for the intro to your essay. use something along the liens of > "Accepting that my brother was gay was not a problem for me. He was and always would be my brother whom I loved. " <this should be the main focus of your essay, try restructuring the other info around it.

On my fourteenth birthday, Isaac wanted to take me to Target so that I could pick out my present that he was going get for me. I picked out a few movies that I had wanted for a while. We went to the checkout lane with our purchases, where my brother proceeded to take out his credit card and hand it to the cashier. At this time he also took a picture out of his wallet, looked at me and said, "Look Lacey!!! Isn't my boyfriend cute??!!"

<instead of that, maybe:As my brother and I went through the Target checkout to purchase a gift for my fourteenth birthday, he took a picture out of his wallet and said, "Look Lacey! Isn't my boyfriend cute?!" I thought about this incident for the next few days. He had never really had a girlfriend come toover at the house, but I knew that he had gone to prom both his junior and senior year. What did this all mean?Just one example. this could be your intro. maybe...

Your last paragraphs are strong, shows how he affected you. try expanding on what he does, some event maybe where you saw him stand up for himself and how you reacted.

Good luck with your app!


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