Why Brown: comparison with heaven; I need inspirations

Why do people crave Heaven? Because of the reign of righteousness? Or because of flow of milk? No. They want to go to Heaven, because of what is is. Volumes haven been written about it, but one can visualize Heaven only so much through those. Still, those abstract and otherworldly descriptions are enough to inspire many.

I read Brown University web pages and watched Youtube video clips. And of course, I love Haffenreffer Museum of Anthropology and diverse student body. However, they are not precisely the reason why I am applying.

My physical experience with intellectually vibrant communities like Brown is limited, and phrases like "unique student body" or "exploration of different ways of thinking" simply feel a little incomplete in the way "the reign of righteousness" does.

The power of the promise of heaven comes from the hopelessness on Earth. Now, I do not mean my present life is a pain. However, it definitely is more than inconvenient and lonely when my drive for learning and success is simply labeled as "overachieving".

I can go only so far with my own intellect and passion. I need inspirations. I need to feed my intellectual curiosity with teachings from great scholars. I need interactions with people who share my passion for learning with me. And the imagery of the awesome people and stunning learning environment, even though a bit other worldly to me, is covenant that there is a place where my needs can be finally met.

i really like how you avoided the general cliches people use in supplemental essays about a school and how you openly acknowledge them. This is good but i dont think you need the last two sentences of the third para and the last setnence should relate to brown and its characteristics in some way. In a way, you could just say this about any school, in the short space, put a thing or two about how this ideal image can be satisfied by brown and what it has to offer, not something that can be universally applied anywhere.

You should explain in more detail why your drive for success is currently limited(I'm guessing they like hearing about hardship).
Also, I'm not sure you should use the word "covenant" in the last sentence, maybe something else like "proof".

i'm sorry but i'm not sure what you are referring by the third paragraph. Thank you.

My physical experience with intellectually vibrant communities like Brown is limited, and phrases like "unique student body" or "exploration of different ways of thinking" simply feel a little incomplete ambiguous in the way "the reign of righteousness" does. __> consider putting this sentence at the beginning, before the question about why people want to go to heaven. See if you like the way it reads if you put this sentence first. I think that will help the reader to get what you are saying. Also, make it all one paragraph until "...reason why I am applying."

That is not necessarily a better way to do it; just see if you like it and decide.
:-)