Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.
(500 words preferred)-587 words used
The lights dim. A single beat starts in a slow staccato. Another is added, then another, until a thunderous cacophony echoes in the vast auditorium. The beat reverberates in your very soul until..."I. AM. JANE!"
Thus began the rollercoaster ride called "The Chronicles of Jane: Book Seven", my 2009 Edgren Far East Drama Team's ultimate ensemble project for the Far East Drama Festival in Okinawa, Japan. Two and a half solid months of sweat, tears, and acting was poured into daily two hour practices. It became our pièce de résistance, the performance that defined my school. Needless to say it was a challenge for the greenest of actors to the most experienced thespians. Come February, I was tangibly changed as a person. "The Chronicles" taught me two important life lessons: how to strike that precarious balance between being an individual and coalescing with a team.
The play itself was an epic, pseudo-realistic tale about a term paper told and acted out by the loveable, self-absorbed "Jane" and her band of flunkies. I had the distinct honor of being the "Evil Stewart", a whiny horrible boy who was Jane's brother and nemesis. I had only started acting the year before, but through this villain I really came into my own. I tried countless voices, postures, and facial expressions until I found the perfect "Stewart", a nasally-voiced boy with an awkward crouch and permanent sneer. I had to bring an individual character alive in an ensemble, striking out on my own to stand in the spotlight for those couple minutes. It was an invigorating experience because it really stretched my abilities as an actor and made me realize the importance of individualism. Not to mention, I had the best time being the antagonist; I even had an overblown karate fight scene! We all contributed ideas to the play, adding a bit of ourselves into the grand medley; for example, I came up with the idea of a visually stunning tribal dance with colored scarves.
However, the majority of the play was centered on working together. Everyone except Jane had to blend cohesively into one single entity. All the groupies had to play roles such as the "walls" of her bedroom and her many wild, hyperbolic "thoughts" centered on the treacheries of writing a term paper. We had to work together to make our movements fluid and uniform. The "wall" had to be ramrod straight and consistent, while the "thoughts" had to synchronize the way they walked. Even the drum beats at the beginning and end of the play had to be harmonized perfectly. The play required an immense amount of team work and dedication; it certainly tested our patience thin. I know that I became increasingly irritated during some three hour practices that just didn't flow. But in the end, we bonded as a team and studied everyone's mannerisms to produce a superb production. I learned how to work with people, not against them; it's a skill that has proved extremely useful in classes and outside of school. Without this play, I would never have experienced the incredible feeling of belonging to something bigger.
The villain is defeated. The computer prints the paper. And the beat goes on. In full circle, we end the play with soul-shaking thunder and an innate sense of completion. The crowd surges to its feet, roaring in approval. Inside I knew it completely worth it; my team huddled in a hug, tears of joy streaming down our faces, as we celebrated our perfect score.
This is my idea, not necessarily better:
The villain is defeated, the computer prints the paper, and the beat goes on. In full circle, we end...
Well... you write so well that I hesitate to suggest changes... but anything you write will be eloquent, I think. I recommend changing this so that the focus is not so much on the content of the play. this paragraph is so excellent that I would hate to see you change it: The play itself was an epic, pseudo-realistic tale about...
but the paragraph that follows it could hae some material cut if necessary. Make room at the end for some discussion of something other than the content of the experience...make room to discuss the implications for your academic or professional aspirations. connect this excellent reflection with your intentions for the future.
:-)
Please check out the EF Contributor page!! you write very well, and I am impressed with your knowledge of grammar/composition.
Thanks for the feedback!
Just to clarify, when you say to change it so the focus is not on the content of play, do you mean the entire essay in general or a specific paragraph?
I completely agree with you on the 4th paragraph. I guess I was so wrapped up in making the essay "pop" that I left out some necessary analysis. Do you think something like this would work? :
"I learned how to effectively work in a group setting; it's a skill that has proved extremely useful in classes and outside of school. Through theatre, I realized my full potential as both an individual contributor and a team player; two such qualities, sustained by an open mind and a sense of humor, are sure to be beneficial in my quest to become a physician. "
My essay is roughly 65 words over the limit, but I don't know if that is acceptable.
Thank you for the compliments. :) I'll be sure to check out that page!
Yes, but I don't know if this paragraph felt inspired when you wrote it. Does this paragraph make you feel a sense of fulfillment that comes with expressing subtle truth, capturing something meaningful in words? I think it is weak to say, "Through theatre, I learned..." because you could instead write about a specific experience: "During practice sessions in which we had to improvise dialogue, I learned..."
But I know you have to cut out some words, so it would be hard to add any there. Still, check to see if it feels inspired. Check to see if you come up with an especially clever way to say the same thing with words that will stick in the reader's mind forever.
Thanks. It is difficult to cut down on words, since I tend to be a very verbose writer. :) I'll try different methods.
Oh, I missed part of your question. Yes, I think you should not focus entirely on the content. The important part is how it influenced you, even though technically it is supposed to be about the play. Talking about how the play affected you is still talking about the play.
:-)
