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Bump (renewing green card) + Unique qualities (structural engineer) - UCF



Djkoolcash 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2010   #1
Essay: The personal statements are a very important part of your application. They assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

1.If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2.How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3.Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4.What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

1. For the majority of my life, things haven't always gone the way that they were planned. 2 years ago, while I and my family were living in comfort, the police called our house and asked for my father to be arrested. Apparently, there was a mix up in our mail and he never received a letter, informing him to renew his green card. Despite the postal system's incompetence, the police threw my father in jail. This was difficult to comprehend for me and the rest of my family. However, we had to rearrange our lifestyle, comparable to the less-fortunate, as my mother was the only source of our income. We bought less food, less clothes, and wasted little to no water and electricity. Perhaps the biggest and must dreadful change was the switching of Comcast television to basic cable as it took me months to be able to adjust to their channels. My father got taken away a week before my sophomore year at Suncoast and I went to school, still contemplating this issue in my head, confused and lost. My grades did not meet my expectations that year and I faced many hardships because of the lack of money in my house and the sadness that hovered over me. It was not until 12 at midnight, during Spring Break, when my father appeared at our front door that light were finally able to come across our lives.

3. The University of Central Florida is a great learning institution. My goal is to become a structural engineer. What I hear from numerous websites and people is that UCF has an outstanding engineering program. In order to get a job as an engineer, it is important that I go to a school that is well-known. I feel that UCF can teach me more about the things that I need to know to, not only become an engineer, but to be successful in live. Attending this university would help me in definitely help me in the future, as I'd be smarter and I would be able to perform tasks that I've never been able to do. For me to accomplish my goal to be an engineer, I need to be able to have a vast amount of knowledge on chemistry and math. I'm already considered a master when it comes to math and chemistry, but with the education at UCF, I can be considered an expert.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 2, 2010   #2
For the majority of my life, things haven't always ---it is redundant to say "for the majority of" and also "always"...

Events in my life have not always unfolded the way they were planned.

2 Two years ago, while I and my family and I were living in comfort, the police called our house....(when a number begins a sentence, always type the word instead of the numeral).

Give each part of the list a verb so that the sentence sounds nice:
We consumed less food, bought fewer articles of clothing, and wasted little to no water and electricity.

Perhaps the biggest and must dreadful change was the switching of Comcast television to basic cable as it took me months to be able to adjust to their channels . ---This details sort of ruins the seriousness of the essay...

3. The University of Central Florida is a great learning institution. A little too simplistic and boring to be the first sentence.

For me to accomplish my goal to be an engineer, I need to be able to have a vast amount of knowledge on chemistry and math.

No stating the obvious!

The second essay is not very meaningful. it just states the obvious. You should expound an impressive plan for your first year in theri engineering program, and it should include at least 3 goals that are not program requirements. Show that you are determined and proactive.

:-)


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