Hi! The following essay is addressing the prompt for the Yale supplement essay (any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!) :
You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, Short Answer, and Personal Essay. In this required second essay, tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about. Please limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.
Caesar's Dish
Just the sound was enough to entice me to snatch a bowl and devour each leaflet. My eyes gazed, but there was a dichotomy of emotions: one of disgust and the other of allurement. I generally would have refused to eat Caesar salad, but on one particular occasion, I accepted my father's invitation to this new world of fine eating. Picking up my fork to pierce an unconquered land, I soon discovered a new level of fascination.
My willingness to experiment, rather than reject, something out of the ordinary drove me to procure an interest in the unfamiliar and exotic. This newfound trait applies not only to food, but also to people and their unique qualities.
Mr. Mitchell's chemistry class is one that has given me a new meaning of the word "diversity". Each student who attends this class has his or her own quirkiness, making each of us completely different from one another, but somehow, there is a unity unlike many other segregated classrooms. For example, Sadia, a Bangladeshi, is the most positive individual and likes to shout "OMG girl!" out loud. Brody is the first intellectual class clown whom I have ever encountered. Brandon is the class's human calculator, able to perform any mathematical problem before Mr. Mitchell can finish typing in his calculator. Although we are all different, our unity stems from our desire to learn and succeed in this class, which is why whenever there is an extra credit opportunity after school, it seems that we have an extra eighth period. This is also why before a test or a quiz, we come together to study at Barnes and Nobles; scattered books, lead-smudged papers, and cups of caffeine-induced beverages contribute to our academic preparation. We have even dubbed ourselves a name, "The AP Chem. Nerds", and it suits us perfectly well.
The new meaning of "diversity" that I have obtained is that differences, not necessarily in ethnicity but also in character, can ultimately result in unity if a common goal is shared. Diversity is usually affiliated with variances in ethnicity, but if the mentality and character is the same, where is the diversity in this?
Personally, I have gained an acceptance for each individual's "culture", his or her own way of thinking and acting. It is these unique qualities that contribute to a more meaningful life of understanding and progression. I am not shaped by them; we are shaped by each other. Whether the goal is to win a championship or just a couple of nerds who work for an A for tomorrow's test, it can be achieved despite our unique differences. We all need to try our own Caesar salad to take the first step to exploring diversity of every kind.
I really like the Caesar salad idea. It's clever and it's interesting. Definitely made me want to read on. Also, the full-circle approach is effective :)
Here's something that didn't make sense to me, though:
"Whether the goal is to win a championship or just a couple of nerds who work for an A for tomorrow's test, it can be achieved despite our unique differences."
Maybe something like
"Whether the goal is to win a championship game or to earn an A for tomorrow's test..."
Obviously this ^ needs tweaking, but I think you should work on parallelism for this sentence.
Overall, I liked it a lot! Great job and good luck!
My willingness to experiment with, rather than reject, something out of the ...
or
My willingness to experiment, rather than reject something out of the... (I removed a comma)
at Barnes and Nobles Noble; scattered books, lead-smudged papers, and cups of caffeine-induced beverages contribute to our...
...and it suits us perfectly. well .
We all need to try our own Caesar salad to take the first step to exploring diversity of every kind.---I think it is probably possible to use this Caesar Salad theme as a way of celebrating chem, too. Chem is all about putting things together to make something that is more than the sum of its parts, and that is what a salad is. Soup, too, for that matter... :-)
