Hi, I am currently writing my transfer essay for Common App, and planning to apply to University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.
I would appreciate any suggestions/feedback on how to improve my essay. Specifically, I need suggestions about my essay's grammar, content, and relevance to the prompt. Thank you very much!
Now I'm at 737 words, which is over the maximum words (650 words max). I have been working on this essay for about a week, and I do not really know how to squeeze the contents down, while maintaining my points.
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
Essay
I remembered my father's advice regarding my dilemma in choosing university major during my sophomore year in high school, "Don't think too hard about your future major. Choose one that you enjoy the most even though you are not good at it yet. I promise you that failure will have its place in your future, but do not give up and keep your focus in achieving your future dream." Hearing my father's advice, I felt like being stomped by a huge rock. Initially I was afraid to be overwhelmed by the major I am about to choose. I decided to pursue an engineering major because I have always been a skeptic and realistic science person. In my high school career, I particularly enjoyed physical education, science and mathematic classes. My dilemma was caused by the various negative judgments from online forums, high school teachers and seniors. Most of them suggested avoiding science or engineering careers because of the high level of difficulty and heavy workload. They argued about spending most of their time in the library and not having much time left for pleasure. Their comments left me hopeless in choosing a major, so I decided to postpone my decision. During my junior year in high school my father suggested that I attend a community college in the United States to continue my education career and also to experience different major-related classes offered, which mostly were not offered in my school. As this is an excellent opportunity for me to try different subjects, I happily agreed and attended Whatcom Community College after finishing my junior high school year with the intention to get an Associate's Degree and Washington State High School Diploma at the same time.
First quarter in community college was a "warm-up" because I did not take high-level classes. In addition, I was still in the process of adapting myself in the new environment. In my second quarter I took the required chemistry course for my degree plan (Associate in Science-Transfer), which I initially thought would be a burden. Chemistry used to be the weakest science course in my high school career. However, it turns out that I enjoyed the class, although I spent most of my time studying chemistry instead of other classes. I began listening to online lectures, watching documentaries, and reading scientific papers. I particularly enjoyed the lab periods because I was exposed to reactions that I can see with my own eyes, rather than just swallowing different reaction mechanisms and theories. After taking the general chemistry and calculus sequence, I proudly decided to pursue a degree in chemical engineering.
Going through my education career, I have had a higher level of interest and curiosity in science and math classes than I did in high school. In fact, after three quarters studying in the U.S I decided to take higher-level mathematics and physics classes, along with organic chemistry. Although some of the classes are not required, I did not regret my decision because I love fiddling with numbers and manipulating problems. I am particularly interested in chemical engineering because I want to create a more efficient way of doing things. Indonesia, my home country, used to be covered with vast forests. However, massive deforestation occurred due to the increasing demand in paper production. As a chemical engineer, I plan to develop a technology where we can get more products from less reactant. In other words, less trees to be cut to produce more papers.
As I need more in-depth understanding about chemical engineering, my next step is to look at universities offering the best chemical engineering program. I plan to utilize all available resources offered by the institution to deepen my understanding about my major. Although it would be difficult to part ways with my friends, professors, and clubs in Whatcom Community College, I feel that it is time for me to get out of my comfort zone and prioritize my education. Transferring to a four-year university will give me access to resources not available in my previous school, such as co-ops, internships, and research projects that would greatly enhance my knowledge about my major, and later enhance my appearance to an employer. With a strong background in chemical engineering, I look forward to working in a research and development group in a company, specifically to enhance efficiency in creating products while preserving as much as energy and natural resources as possible.
I would appreciate any suggestions/feedback on how to improve my essay. Specifically, I need suggestions about my essay's grammar, content, and relevance to the prompt. Thank you very much!
Now I'm at 737 words, which is over the maximum words (650 words max). I have been working on this essay for about a week, and I do not really know how to squeeze the contents down, while maintaining my points.
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
Essay
I remembered my father's advice regarding my dilemma in choosing university major during my sophomore year in high school, "Don't think too hard about your future major. Choose one that you enjoy the most even though you are not good at it yet. I promise you that failure will have its place in your future, but do not give up and keep your focus in achieving your future dream." Hearing my father's advice, I felt like being stomped by a huge rock. Initially I was afraid to be overwhelmed by the major I am about to choose. I decided to pursue an engineering major because I have always been a skeptic and realistic science person. In my high school career, I particularly enjoyed physical education, science and mathematic classes. My dilemma was caused by the various negative judgments from online forums, high school teachers and seniors. Most of them suggested avoiding science or engineering careers because of the high level of difficulty and heavy workload. They argued about spending most of their time in the library and not having much time left for pleasure. Their comments left me hopeless in choosing a major, so I decided to postpone my decision. During my junior year in high school my father suggested that I attend a community college in the United States to continue my education career and also to experience different major-related classes offered, which mostly were not offered in my school. As this is an excellent opportunity for me to try different subjects, I happily agreed and attended Whatcom Community College after finishing my junior high school year with the intention to get an Associate's Degree and Washington State High School Diploma at the same time.
First quarter in community college was a "warm-up" because I did not take high-level classes. In addition, I was still in the process of adapting myself in the new environment. In my second quarter I took the required chemistry course for my degree plan (Associate in Science-Transfer), which I initially thought would be a burden. Chemistry used to be the weakest science course in my high school career. However, it turns out that I enjoyed the class, although I spent most of my time studying chemistry instead of other classes. I began listening to online lectures, watching documentaries, and reading scientific papers. I particularly enjoyed the lab periods because I was exposed to reactions that I can see with my own eyes, rather than just swallowing different reaction mechanisms and theories. After taking the general chemistry and calculus sequence, I proudly decided to pursue a degree in chemical engineering.
Going through my education career, I have had a higher level of interest and curiosity in science and math classes than I did in high school. In fact, after three quarters studying in the U.S I decided to take higher-level mathematics and physics classes, along with organic chemistry. Although some of the classes are not required, I did not regret my decision because I love fiddling with numbers and manipulating problems. I am particularly interested in chemical engineering because I want to create a more efficient way of doing things. Indonesia, my home country, used to be covered with vast forests. However, massive deforestation occurred due to the increasing demand in paper production. As a chemical engineer, I plan to develop a technology where we can get more products from less reactant. In other words, less trees to be cut to produce more papers.
As I need more in-depth understanding about chemical engineering, my next step is to look at universities offering the best chemical engineering program. I plan to utilize all available resources offered by the institution to deepen my understanding about my major. Although it would be difficult to part ways with my friends, professors, and clubs in Whatcom Community College, I feel that it is time for me to get out of my comfort zone and prioritize my education. Transferring to a four-year university will give me access to resources not available in my previous school, such as co-ops, internships, and research projects that would greatly enhance my knowledge about my major, and later enhance my appearance to an employer. With a strong background in chemical engineering, I look forward to working in a research and development group in a company, specifically to enhance efficiency in creating products while preserving as much as energy and natural resources as possible.
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