The lessons we take from obstacles can be fundamental to later success. Please remember a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (650 Words) (The question was too long for the Subject)(PLEASE BE HARSH I REALLY NEED TO SEE MY FLAWS, I AM CURRENTLY DELUSIONAL THINKING I DID DECENT)
"There was no lake at Camp Green Lake" I read out loud to my classmate before being
interrupted to be dismissed early. The book was named Hole and on that day it felt like I
was shoved into one. Unbeknownst to me I was not going home, I was going to the ER.
Walking into the waiting room, I was greeted with a white bracelet with my name on it,
my heart dropped and sweat quickly tricked down my face. Alone in a room with nobody
except doctors, I was stabbed left and right, unable to process the plethora of blood draws
and IVs. I was diagnosed with diabetes, a disease until that day I had never heard of, and
at that moment I felt like Stanley Yelnats, trapped in a hole, jumping endlessly, unsure if I
would ever find my way out. Tearless but not fearless, my father's strength grounded me,
comforting me and saying I would be okay. To him however it seemed like I dug a deeper
hole in the one he was in already, and I could see in his eyes the sun's shine getting lost
farther and farther from his grasp.
Like Yelnats, I felt wrongly accused, not by a human but by God. It destroyed the
confidence I had mustered, the confidence I used to push me out of my shell and explore
this nomad land. I became much like Hector Zeroni, ashamed of the disease I bought, and
the anger I seem to have of the world. I immediately moved states, unable to speak up for
myself in a new school and advocate for what I wanted. From watermelon to egg head, I
was called all while I remained quiet, only seeking comfort in my closet accompanied by
books. I accepted my place in life and saw myself as a burden to my already struggling
parents. However, with this new challenge, I soon came to sense I was not helping myself
or my family by remaining silent. It felt undeserving for me to carry my last name,
"Manakelew", a name that means "Who is above him?".
An effort to redefine me was vital, understanding that my path down the road of
discipline would be short but the glory of fruition would be eternal. I took all the steps I
could take, from drinking stomach-turning veggie smoothies to freezing pasta to changing
the molecular structure of the starch, I tried it all. I took my physical health seriously,
structuring schedules to balance different sports while hitting the gym consistently. Even
during COVID, I found myself clearing out my living room to do 30-minute HIIT
workouts, working until sweat poured down my chin, or those late-night pushups before
bed. With it, a new and rejuvenated Alazar lit, one grounded by his work and commitment
to bettering his life and his family at the same time. Although the change was slow, I took
myself from the precipice of life and death, with only a small drop of hope and a lot of hard
work into a person I'm proud of.
Just like you don't put a candle under a basket but rather on top of a counter, I needed
to share my determination. As an Ethiopian immigrant, I was led to establish change in
both my communities and the people I love and appreciate. It taught me the importance of
becoming an important leader in my community, a lesson that would stick with me
massively as I head into college.
COMMENT: I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT IS QUITE CONFUSING, AND THERE IS NO UNDERLYING THEME IN THIS. I DO WANT TO PERSUE THIS HOOK AND CONNECTION TO THE BOOK "HOLES", BUT I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THE BELIEF THAT ANY COLLEGE OFFICIAL IN ADMISSIONS KNOWS ABOUT THE BOOK.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15189 I was just about to say the same thing. You cannot use the book because not everyone has heard of it. While yes, it might have the admissions officer look up the book and characters you are talking abouit, believe me when I tell you he does not have the time nor inclination to do that. He will simply think "What in the devil is he talking about" and put your essay in the "come back to later pile". That is, if he gets around to coming back to it.
You do not have a central theme to the essay at all. Yes, I agree that it is confusing to read because you keep tryong to connect it to a book that does not really relate to your situation. Also, I have to be blunt here and tell you that the admissions officers do not really appreciate it when the applicants compare themselves to fictional characters. They prefer real life, physical comparisons in such instances. Why don't you try to write the essay over? This time, you can use your dad or someone similar for the presentation or, you can change the obstacle you had to overcome instead.
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