"Casa Juan Diego" Common App 150 word essay of a work experience

From the street the building looks like a dirty warehouse with two big metal doors guarding the entrance. A tall white fence circles the yard to the side of the doors and a faded wooden wind chime swings in the hot Texas breeze. But as the saying goes "Don't judge a book by it's cover", so it was true with Casa Juan Diego, a shelter for Central American immigrants. It is more like an oasis for people who have lost almost everything, been abused or have survived the journey crossing the US- Mexican border.

I had the privilege of working with these incredibly strong women, helping them re-start their lives from the monumental changes they had made. I sat with them in the ER, held their newborn babies and tried to comfort them when they cried. Those 14 months left me with and unforgettable memories and a strong desire study public health with an focus on immigrants in the US.

I had the privilege of working with these incredibly strong women, helping them re-start their lives from the monumental changes they had made
my revision: helping them restarting their lives ( I think you could omit the dash )
and I also suggest : I had the privilege of working with these incredibly strong women, helping them to make comebacks after experiencing lots of dramatic vicissitudes.

It's just a suggestion... hope it'll improve your essay in some way...=)

You have an extra "and" here, Jeanie. And you are missing a "to."

I think it will be better if you get rid of the first sentence and let it begin with sentence #2. Then you will have a little room to add another meaningful sentence at the end. I really think it will be better starting like this:


That's good writing.