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'cause of death among college students' - Why FSU is Awesome Essay



Madman59770 2 / 2  
Jun 19, 2012   #1
Prompt: What are three things you like the most about the college that you are entering? (500 words or fewer)

Did you know that, according to a study conducted by the University of Virginia, that the leading cause of death among college students between the ages of 18 and 24 is suicide? When I read that staggering statistic, I nearly jumped out of my seat in shock! Such a gloomy figure seems to suggest that college students suffer from excessive stress. I, an incoming freshman to Florida State University (FSU), however, am not worried about stress in college; FSU offers an extremely diverse set of activities that alleviate stress and yet simultaneously offers strong, optional academic programs. Personally, the three things about FSU that strike me as most amazing are its unique Flying High Circus, scenic camp reservation, and Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program.

FSU has the unique distinction of being one of only two colleges in the entire United States that sponsors a student-involved circus. The Flying High Circus allows students to enjoy themselves as either spectators or performers! The circus has performed throughout the world; for example, it has performed in Europe, Canada, and the West Indies over its 60 year history. This idiosyncrasy of FSU should definitely allow students to relax from academic, athletic, and other stressors. Furthermore, I can brag to all my friends that my college has an awesome circus!

Not only does FSU have a circus, it owns a 73-acre reservation that boasts a natural, scenic ambience and offers many engaging activities to students. For example, cabins permit for camping experiences and the nearby lake allows students to kayak, sail, canoe and swim. If there were a better way to de-stress in Florida than to enjoy the outdoors, I would not know of it. On top of the fun activities available, no one can doubt the intrinsic beauty of the natural environment present at the reservation.

Not only does FSU offer ingenious ways for student to relax, it does offer programs for those that do strive academically, such as the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program. This program, as its name suggests, allows undergraduates to participate in research with professors and other researchers. Such a program allows the college's undergraduates to get a glimpse of the rigorous work required in graduate school and learn more about topics they are interested in outside the classroom; this program is simply amazing. When I discovered that I was accepted into this program, leaped for joy. I cannot wait to engage in modern research with knowledgeable experts.

In conclusion, FSU stands out, to me, for its circus, reservation, and Undergraduate Research Program. This perfect school allows students to relax and escape the many stressors that college students have to deal with, while allowing students the option to achieve academically. I have always wanted to go a school that has the mental sanity of the student in mind, and FSU perfectly matches that description. I would wager that at FSU, students have the work-life balance that allows them to experience and love life while receiving a strong postsecondary education.

Thanks!

EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jun 21, 2012   #2
I would first suggest you begin with a more simple, positive and introductory opening statement for sure.
FSU offers an extremely diverse set of activities that alleviate stress and yet simultaneously offers strong, optional academic programs.
Personally , (I eliminated this word to avoid redundancy since it is "the things that strike you") the three things about FSU that strike me as most amazing...

The circus has performed throughout the world; for example, it has performed inin places such as...
Furthermore, I can brag to all my friends that my college has an awesome circus! (Nice, it's good to include a sense of humor and realism in these types of essays:)Not only does FSU have a circus,In addition, FSU owns a 73-acre reservation...

In conclusion, FSU stands out, to me, for its circus, reservation, and Undergraduate Research Program. (ok, even if the circus IS the coolest part, I would simply suggest you switch the order, i.e, the undergrad program first...just my opinion, for professionality's sake:)

This perfect school allows students to relax and escape the many stressors that college students have to deal with, while allowing studentsthem (repetition...)
the option to achieve academically. I have always wanted to go a school that has the mental sanity of the student in mind,(again, I admire your honesty and humor..well done) and FSU perfectly matches that description. I would wageram confident that at FSU, students have the work-life balance that allows them to experience and love life while receiving a strong postsecondary education.

VERY NICE!!! I hope you find my suggestions helpful. Good luck!
OP Madman59770 2 / 2  
Jul 12, 2012   #3
This is a little late, but thanks, EF_Susan. That was very helpful!


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