Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are
I never really considered myself as an athlete, after years of dropped basketballs and unsteady pitches on the field, I probably should have called it quits. Probably... but I didn't.
Last year, I joined my school's girl volleyball team. Still searching for my niche, and eager to try something new, I attended tryouts. Stepping on the court for the first time it seemed like I was no good at the sport, only making the team because of my height. But I was no stranger to this feeling of being the bench warmer; I'd seen it all before. I was always that player who was just happy to be included. But as I attended practice after practice I had a hard time adjusting to the team, learning to play was just hurtle number one I had to face that season.
New teammates were judgmental, and snide remarks from the "veterans" were all a part of the negativity I had to learn to cope with. One girl even went as far as to say "Why are you on the team, you can't even play!" Hearing that made me incredibly angry at myself because I was trying my best and still not cutting it. They only cared about the results on the court; and I guess I can't blame them (after all, trying doesn't get you to playoffs). In fact I might just thank them for the motivation. Their harsh criticism was the fuel to my fire, and that challenge was one that helped strengthen my character. I wasn't going to take their criticism anymore, and I wasn't going to do anything if my whole heart wasn't into it.
After that I suddenly found it necessary to go to the gym more often, necessary to work on my skills even when I wasn't playing. And just as suddenly Volleyball no longer felt like an extracurricular, it became something that required dedication. Playing the sport was my new passion and trying to get better was my commitment. I had finally found that drive that I had lacked in every other sport I had ever tried. I wanted to excel, I wanted to be a good player, and more importantly I wanted my parents to have a reason to show up to my games.
I didn't instantly become a volleyball star after having this revelation, but all the initiative and work I put into the sport after that paid off. I stopped limiting myself and my abilities and just worked on bettering myself. It's now my second year on the team with familiar (and now friendly) faces and instead of warming up the bench I start every game as middle blocker. Last year the journey from novice to expert helped me grow not only as a player but as a person too. It was once said by Mahatma Gandhi "You must be the change you wish to see..." I've taken this saying to heart, and now I have the confidence to pursue my dreams because I know my success is only equivalent to the amount of work I put towards it.
I never really considered myself as an athlete before, but now I finally do. And I'm glad I didn't call it quits, even when everyone else thought I should have.
The application is due tomorrow so I need help ASAP! Is this good?! What can I change? Feedback is greatly appreciated!
I never really considered myself as an athlete; after years of dropped basketballs and unsteady pitches on the field, I probably should have called it quits. Probably... but I didn't.
Above, I added a semi-colon. The sentence was a run-on sentence...
Use a comma here:
After that , I suddenly found it necessary to go to the gym more often, necessary to work on my skills even when I wasn't playing.
Who encouraged you to give up? the veterans you mentioned? If it was them, you should refer to them at the end:
And I'm glad I didn't call it quits, even when all the "veteran" older players thought I should have.
