"How Chick-Fil-A has impacted my life" -My Application Essay to University of Florida

The prompt is:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. 400-500 words.

I had a hard time thinking of a topic, and I didn't want to do it on volunteering or going to another country (like I saw a number of UF essays writing on). Also let me know what you think about my topic. Here it is:

"I need employees who are dependable, hard working, and quick learners." These words of Brad, the operator of my local Chick-Fil-A, made me slightly nervous. Was I all of those things? "I have a very good people-sense; I can easily tell who's going to be someone I want to hire," Brad said, and I felt that he could see straight through me. After being drilled with many difficult questions, and shaking hands goodbye, I felt sick to my stomach. I had failed my first job interview. I could never meet Brad's high expectations - I might as well apply to be a CEO somewhere. But the next day, to my utter delight, he called me back! I had got the job! I must have been that kind of person after all.

My journey in working at Chick-Fil-A has been a worthwhile one. Being a cashier at Chick-Fil-A may not seem impressive to some, but to me it's the best job at the best place with the best employers! I am so thankful for the impact Chick-Fil-A has had in my life, and not just financially. It has changed my work ethic drastically. No longer do I waste time and wish upon stars - now I know to savor every moment and that if you want something, you have to work for it. My managers have taught me to never be stagnant - to always be actively learning and improving. An insightful manager once challenged me to learn a new thing every day, and I have followed that and find pleasure in seeking out new learning experiences. My homeschooler-self has developed crucial customer service and people skills that will be useful the rest of my life. At Chick-Fil-A, I have become a better team player and enjoy working with others. I have met some of my dearest friends, and have strengthened those relationships in a way that can only come through laboring together. Thanks to Chick-Fil-A, I have been molded in such a way that will bring me nothing but good all the rest of my days.

I will bring all of these wonderful traits that Chick-Fil-A has built in me to the University of Florida. As Brad said, dependability, hard working, and quick learning are all attributes that make an employee great, and I have these attributes. I believe that these same qualities are what also make a student great.

I really like the beginning, you start getting people really what to see if you get the job or not. But i think that the tranisiton between your interview and the thrill you get the next day is a bit too quick, mayeb you can add one or two sentences there to make it flow better. The qualities you developed there are really impressive and are really good qualities. You did a good job not making it sound very boring for people. you know how most people will feel when they list what they learned at interships. Here is only a suggestion: if you can focus on two or three most important lessons you learned and expand on them, maybe it will be more impressive. People cannot remember all those lessons you get there. Anything than that, I think it really showed who you are and how awesome you will make UF's community.

Macy - I agree with Yifan about the transitions and the need to focus on what you learned and how it will make you a contributor to the UF community.

Thanks for your advice! I've made the first paragraph smoother and fixed some stuff up here and there, but I'm still working on the main part. I'm not sure how to divulge on the different traits smoothly without having a paragraph for each, and I only have a 500 word maximum (this is around 480).

"I need employees who are dependable, hard working, and quick learners." These words of Brad, the operator of my local Chick-fil-A, made me slightly nervous. Was I all of those things? "I have a very good people-sense; I can easily tell who's going to be someone I want to hire," Brad said, and I felt that he could see straight through me. After being drilled with many difficult questions, and shaking hands goodbye, I felt sick to my stomach. I had failed my first job interview. I could never meet Brad's high expectations - I might as well apply to be a CEO somewhere. The next few days seemed to stretch on forever. But three days later I answered my phone, not expecting it to be Brad. To my utter delight, he had called me back! I had got the job! I must have been that kind of person after all.

A month later, after completing the intensive training, I was skilled enough to tackle the job on my own without a manager tailing me. It was hard work to please my employers, and stressful at times, but soon I got the hang of it. Two months later, I was Above and Beyond Performer of the Month, and my picture was hung on the wall.

My journey in working at Chick-fil-A has been a worthwhile one. Being a cashier at Chick-fil-A may not seem impressive to some, but to me it is the best job at the best place with the best employers! I am so thankful for the impact Chick-fil-A has had in my life, and not just financially. It has changed my work ethic drastically. No longer do I waste time and wish upon stars - now I know to savor every moment and that if you want something, you have to work for it. My managers have taught me to never be stagnant - to always be actively learning and improving. An insightful manager once challenged me to learn a new thing every day. I accepted that challenge and find pleasure in seeking out new learning experiences. I have developed crucial customer service and people skills that will be useful the rest of my life. At Chick-fil-A, I have become a better team player and enjoy working with others. I have met some of my dearest friends, and have strengthened those relationships in a way that can only come through working as a team. Thanks to Chick-fil-A, I have been molded in such a way that will bring me nothing but good all the rest of my days.

Reinventing my work ethic, giving me a lust for education, and making me a better team player are only a few qualities that Chick-fil-A has built in me. I will bring all of these wonderful traits that Chick-fil-A has built in me to the University of Florida. As Brad said, dependability, hard working, and quick learning are all attributes that make an employee great, and I have these attributes. I believe these same qualities are what also make a student great.