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child abuse for UC admissions essay topic

pepsicola 2 / 13  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
i wanted to write about my personal child abuse for my personal statement.(Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.) i wanted to talk about how my family and my community helped me to overcome what happened and how because of them and what happened i want to help children in the future. however, i read that talking about rape or abuse in an application essay is not a good topic. how can i talk about how my family and community helped me and how i came to the decision of working with children without talking about the abuse? or what can i do to not make it a bad topic to write about? help please.

maroon5 9 / 57  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
I wouldn't mention the rape if i were you...However i think you can safely refer to any mental or physical abuse(other than rape) that you suffered.If you can talk less about the abuse and more about how you grew and changed for the better as a result of it, I think your essay will be fine. Try and make your experiences and their teachings real and vivid for the adcoms...don't be generic and state your experiences in a detached or unfeeling manner...The essay's purpose is so that the adcoms can hear you talk and express youself; if you feel as though talking about childhood abuse can best express yourself, go for it...GOOD LUCK

Will you please look over my essay outlines and suggest the best one...
OP pepsicola 2 / 13  
Nov 26, 2011   #3
"my family saved me" personal statement help- any comments or critiques appreciated

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly," a line from the Beatles song Blackbird. This song has a very special meaning to me. Life is a crazy thing. It has unexpected twist and turns. Things can change in the blink of an eye. We do not always expect the things that happen to us, but we learn to deal with it; the good and the bad.

Growing up was very difficult for me. I felt very alone and isolated from everyone. I was keeping a secret from the world. While I wore smiles on the outside, inside I felt very sad and detached from everyone. I felt as though no one understood me, so I stopped trying to understand everyone else. It was me, myself, and I.

Finally, when I hit high school, I started coming out of my shell. I began to overcome my secret and began to not feel so alone. Happiness radiated around me because for the first time in a while, my smiles meant something. However, this would not last. Midway through freshman year, my past came back for me when I was least expecting it. I was frightened and withdrew to my old self.

My eldest brother and sister started noticing that something was wrong with me. They tried to help me, but I was very closed off. Eventually, with their persistence, they broke down the wall I had built. They got me help and I began to heal the right way.

My family saved me. I was destroying myself. I was headed nowhere fast, but they stopped me and got me the right help. I owe much of who I am today to them. Their unconditional love and support got me through my darkest days. My parents are my angels. Their relationship is filled with nothing but love and they shower their five children with it every day. They have given my siblings and me a sturdy foundation to build our lives upon. My sister and her diligence have inspired me to strive for the best. My three brothers have taught me to be strong, even in the toughest of situations. My grandmother has taught me to have sound faith in God. She has taught me never to falter in what I believe in.

My family helped to shape me into the person I am today. They gave me a reason to dream and to want the best. They took a withdrawn quiet child and transformed her into someone strong and capable of anything. They helped me to reconnect with the world. My family made me want to help others in the same way I was helped. It is because of them that I now dream of being able to help children in some way. I was a bird with broken wings, and I learned to fly.

a very very rough draft. should i consider rewriting it? please help!
Jstuff36 5 / 17  
Nov 26, 2011   #4
This essay has a lot of potential, because it feels like you are telling who you are.
You should consider being more direct with explaining what was bothering you and what your secret is.

but I was very closed off. Perhaps you could use a better word than closed off like I barricaded myself from anyone's help.
blueshore 3 / 47  
Nov 26, 2011   #5
I agree that this has a lot of potential, but remember to keep most of the essay positive. You want to briefly go over the dark oart and speak about how you overcame that difficulty. Good luck!

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