i wrote this essay to answer the common app prompt, so it doesn't describe the world i come from, i just talk about myself. can you plz suggest, what i can add or change to answer the first UC prompt?and also, any other comments or feedback would be GREATLY appreciated thank you! =)
UC Prompt: Describe the world you come from-- for example: you family, community, or school-- and tell how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As I watched an old home video of my 5th birthday party I saw a sweet little girl,
with wonder in her eyes, tearing open her presents, and thanking everyone in an angelic voice. She had nothing but love to give to the world. But when I pressed stop on the remote control, that little girl was gone, and all that was left was a pessimistic, jaded teenager. Somewhere along the road from my fifth birthday to my teenage years, the sweet little girl was lost, and transformed into a stranger.
You know those people who are just naturally good at everything, and who are destined to succeed? That was me. Well, at least that was supposed to be me. As a child, I was basically perfect. "She never drank from a bottle, she drank straight from a cup when she was just one year old. She was such a quiet toddler, and never gave me any trouble" my mother loves to tell people. However, There's a point in your life, where you just have to stop and look at yourself and ask yourself are you the person you want to be. If I had caught a glimpse of my teenage self when I was five years old, would I be proud, or would I be ashamed?
At the beginning of high school, I thought I was progressing, but realized that in reality, I wasn't actually going anywhere. I realized I wasn't becoming the person I wanted to be, I was heading in another direction. High School was, in my mind, a place where I would flourish and grow into a perfect, mature, independent, young adult. Going into a new school district my freshman year, where I didn't know anybody was scary for me. I became introverted and self conscious, and I felt inferior to everyone at my school. It was hard for me to make friends and to settle down. In addition to that, I was trying so hard in academics, but still not getting good results, so I lost faith in my abilities, and in myself. I told myself I wasn't smart enough and that no matter how hard I tried, I would still fail. Over the years, I developed a negative attitude toward everything in life, but I knew I couldn't keep living that way. During the summer before junior year, I really had time to think about my life and where it was going. I realized that feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to get me anywhere and I needed to change things. I told myself that yes, I wasn't as smart as my other classmates, but that just meant I would have to work ten times harder than them. So I signed up for three AP classes and started Junior year with a fresh and positive attitude. I flourished in my AP classes and crossed boundaries, I didn't know I was capable of crossing.
If I were to catch a glimpse my teenage self when I was five years old, I would be ashamed that I had not become the perfect person I aspired to be. But if I were given an opportunity now, to go back in time, and change my whole high school experience, where I could have been more outgoing and made friends easier, or studied harder and gotten better grades, I wouldn't change a thing. Going through all of that has just made me a stronger person. It has made me a wiser person who is able to look back at myself, fix my mistakes, and improve my character. If I had just been one of those perfect people all of my life, I would have been denied the wonderful satisfaction of working so hard at something and finally achieving a goal. I wouldn't be the strong, independent person I am today. If my five year old self were to see me now, she would be proud.
UC Prompt: Describe the world you come from-- for example: you family, community, or school-- and tell how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As I watched an old home video of my 5th birthday party I saw a sweet little girl,
with wonder in her eyes, tearing open her presents, and thanking everyone in an angelic voice. She had nothing but love to give to the world. But when I pressed stop on the remote control, that little girl was gone, and all that was left was a pessimistic, jaded teenager. Somewhere along the road from my fifth birthday to my teenage years, the sweet little girl was lost, and transformed into a stranger.
You know those people who are just naturally good at everything, and who are destined to succeed? That was me. Well, at least that was supposed to be me. As a child, I was basically perfect. "She never drank from a bottle, she drank straight from a cup when she was just one year old. She was such a quiet toddler, and never gave me any trouble" my mother loves to tell people. However, There's a point in your life, where you just have to stop and look at yourself and ask yourself are you the person you want to be. If I had caught a glimpse of my teenage self when I was five years old, would I be proud, or would I be ashamed?
At the beginning of high school, I thought I was progressing, but realized that in reality, I wasn't actually going anywhere. I realized I wasn't becoming the person I wanted to be, I was heading in another direction. High School was, in my mind, a place where I would flourish and grow into a perfect, mature, independent, young adult. Going into a new school district my freshman year, where I didn't know anybody was scary for me. I became introverted and self conscious, and I felt inferior to everyone at my school. It was hard for me to make friends and to settle down. In addition to that, I was trying so hard in academics, but still not getting good results, so I lost faith in my abilities, and in myself. I told myself I wasn't smart enough and that no matter how hard I tried, I would still fail. Over the years, I developed a negative attitude toward everything in life, but I knew I couldn't keep living that way. During the summer before junior year, I really had time to think about my life and where it was going. I realized that feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to get me anywhere and I needed to change things. I told myself that yes, I wasn't as smart as my other classmates, but that just meant I would have to work ten times harder than them. So I signed up for three AP classes and started Junior year with a fresh and positive attitude. I flourished in my AP classes and crossed boundaries, I didn't know I was capable of crossing.
If I were to catch a glimpse my teenage self when I was five years old, I would be ashamed that I had not become the perfect person I aspired to be. But if I were given an opportunity now, to go back in time, and change my whole high school experience, where I could have been more outgoing and made friends easier, or studied harder and gotten better grades, I wouldn't change a thing. Going through all of that has just made me a stronger person. It has made me a wiser person who is able to look back at myself, fix my mistakes, and improve my character. If I had just been one of those perfect people all of my life, I would have been denied the wonderful satisfaction of working so hard at something and finally achieving a goal. I wouldn't be the strong, independent person I am today. If my five year old self were to see me now, she would be proud.
