'As a child growing up in the Bronx...' Questbridge Essay Review

I need to make sure it's good and I need help because I'm stuck

As a child growing up in the Bronx, a lot of things I saw in my community were normal to me. I saw kids on the streets fighting at all hours of the night, but I never thought twice about it because it was so common. The older I got, the more I realized that these kids were in gangs, and that terrified me. If I had the power, I would definitely try to end the teen gang violence.

I've seen pretty crazy things and the worst part is that it came from kids that I pretty much grew up with from being in elementary or middle school together. It was super shocking because a lot of the kids that I saw jumping people and robbing people were kids that weren't so bad. I believe that these kids succumbed to gang violence and such because they weren't told that there were better options for them. These kids just did what they saw and of course they know wrong from right, but they really think they have no choice. One of my closest friends succumbed to gang violence and even started doing drugs, and eventually he started doing drugs and nearly ended in jail. He was a bright kid but he had siblings involved in a gang lifestyle and that's what he thought was his only option.

The Bronx isn't a bad place but it can be pretty hard on you if you don't have guidance.
I was in the same boat and I could've been in a gang but I had a strong support system. A lot of these kids that show promise but just have a bit of trouble either with their family, and they need a good support system. I saw the same things that they saw and if it wasn't for people steering me in the right direction and telling me that I could do better for myself, I could've ended up like that. That's why if I had the power to open a center and educate these kids about how gang violence is affecting not only them, but people in the community, I would. That's why I think teen gang violence should end. It's detrimental to everyone, and does a huge disservice to the parents of these children

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That's why if I had the power to open a center and educate these kids about how gang violence is affecting not only them, but people in the community, I would.

Out of this whole paper, I see this sentence as the most important idea. I think you should revolve the paper around this topic. Begin by stating that a youth center needs to be erected in your neighborhood. List off the reasons why this center is needed so desperately. Tell the reader about the things that the kids are doing, and that the center would be a solution. Then, list the reasons why the center would solve many problems. Explain what kind of effect it would have on the kids and on the neighborhood. Then, state what you would do personally to help this idea become a reality. I think that if you use these ideas as an outline for your paper, you will be on a better track. I hope this helps! Good luck in school!