During my childhood, I was raised in a city of Bekasi in Indonesia; review for APU University Essay

question = Please write the reason(s) why you wish to attend APU and how you intend to approach your studies within your choice of college(APM/APS).

During my childhood, I was raised in a city of Bekasi in Indonesia, it was a small and peaceful city and a perfect place for a child to grow. When I reached 12 years old, I moved to Jakarta, a big metropolitan city where the capital city of Indonesia lies, to further advance my study. It is not easy for a small kid to overcome the cultural shock from moving there. There are lots new cultural ways that I did not know. Even though it is not easy, slowly but steady I manage to fit in. Eventually what at first is a burden to me becomes my passion right now.Since then, I've been asking question about cultural ways. Why does people always shake their hand or hug each other when they meet? Why do we have to use our right hand to eat? What is the story behind it? The thrill of knowing it never fails to excites me.

One day, when I was a junior high student, I heard that there is a university that will come to my school and promoting their campus in my school. It is targeted for high school student but everyone is allowed to see it. It turns out to be APU(Asia Pacific University) student performing all sort of japanese traditional dance and music with traditional drums. It really fascinates me, partially because japanese culture pique my interest the most. After doing more research after it, I always keep APU in mind when thinking about my university selection.

Moving on, concerning to a proverb "Experience is the best teacher", I believe that by studying in APU, I will be able to achive a lot of new experience. Largely because of the cultural diversity made possible by the vast amount of student from foreign country. The mountanous area and nearby Beppu city will also give me privilage to study knowledge other than what is taught in school. Therefore, I truly believe that studying at APU will be very beneficial to me.

Anyhow, I also find that managing something, be it people or things really excites me. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing that an event went well because I take a big part in making it so. This tendency of mine made me realise that I want to further my studies in the area of management and business (APM), in which I know that APU excel at it. Also, to better my leading proficiency, I wish to attend clubs provided by APU in the university area and in public too if possible.

Of course, I have never intended on choosing university just based on passion alone. Employment rate is also one of my major point in choosing which university to enter. After doing some research on APU website I believe that it is a wise choice to enroll there. With almost 95% of its graduatee get a job, I conclude that APU offers a wide variety of jobs to its student.

In addition, the scholarship program given by APU also plays a big part in my decision. As a child from a financially average family, it is a severe burden for my parent to sent a child to study overseas. As a result, it is in my best interest to choose a school which offer a chance on tuition reduction or scholarship.

In the end, what good can come if I don't actualize my knowledge with concrete act? Therefore, I am eager to contribute to my community. Knowing that my country is in a brink of starvation because of unemployment, perhaps through my business and management expertise Iwill be able to create a lot of employment opportunities to better their lives. But then again, it is only possible if I am given a chance to study in APU.

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Hey guys, it's my first time writing an essay and I really need some advice and review. I would really appreciate the help, Thanks!

I don't know how to put this but, your essay is not really effective at the moment. It contains too many fillers and does not really approach the prompt requirements in the manner that it should be. You don't need to discuss your personal history at the start of the essay. That is something that the admissions officers can learn about from your other submitted documents. There is also a lack of personal connection when it comes to your decision to apply for admittance to APU. You have based your choice solely on internet research. In order to create a personal interest in the university, you need to mention some programs they offer that are relevant to your application which you feel cannot be offered by other institutions. Don't base the information on what you read on their website. More importantly, don't tell the admissions officers information about the university that you took from the website because they already know that information, thus you will be wasting their time in reading your application. Just stick to the purpose of the essay which is to enumerate the reasons that you wish to attend APU, concentrating on the methods by which you plan in fully utilizing the educational opportunities they offer. Create a definite college career plan. Don't make general references. Give the reader an idea of what the next four years of your life will be like at the university.

Hello Anthony, for you information, the university application administrator have all your records in their file. So you really don't have to recite your entire history. True, some background is necessary but focus less on the details of your past but the feelings, the emotions, the voice inside your heart and mind since those can't be recorded in documents. University don't choose students who are just eager or smart. They choose those who have the ability to convey these feelings into words and expressions. Keep this in mind as you rewrite. Good luck!