"Why did you choose to apply to UCF?" Essay for admission.

This is one of my essays for my UCF application, please tell what you think.

"Why did you choose University of Central Florida?" This is a question that is asked to me almost as often as "What do you want to be in the future?" Among my explanations and responses, I often reply by saying "why not UCF?" I first fell in love with UCF during my 2009 summer vacation in Orlando. Because I was approaching my senior year in high school, I decided to visit the Orlando campus while I was there. As I walked through the beautiful campus of UCF, I was immediately attracted to the liveliness of the university. In addition to the liveliness of the campus, the location of UCF in the heart of one of America's most popular cities added tremendous desire for me to attend this university. Having interest in the medical field, the newly founded and modern medical program at UCF has greatly influenced my desire to attend this college. After realizing that UCF was the college that I wanted to be at in my future, I began to read statements from students and alumni of UCF. As I read through these statements, I noticed a relationship between the students and the professors that not many colleges possess. And last but not least, my desire to attend UCF was heightened as I became aware of all of the extracurricular activities offered my the college. Having participated in sports and other organization for most of my life, extracurricular activities has definitely become one of my key things to look for in a college and UCF definitely has what I am looking for. In conclusion, liveliness, location, academics, and activities are among the many reason why I have chosen to apply at the University of Central Florida.

I think it is an ok essay,
you have put down all the reasons why you want to get in to UCF,
but I feel like it is too board,
everyone could have these reasons, it is not very impressive
For me, I would focus on one to two reasons,
and elaborate more on it.
I think this may be better.

--> Really?
Hmmm, I dont know if you want to start out like that. The topic sentence isn't eye-catching...


--> You should try to make this part flow more from the previous sentence...
I feel like you are listing instead of really describing.


--> How about...After realizing that UCF was the college that I wanted to attend...


--> How so? I mean just by reading the statements? So have you read statements from all the other colleges you know or exist?


--> I'm pretty sure you meant BY the college. but just in case haha


--> and other organizations..



--> When you conclude you should never write "In conclusion" "To sum it all up" "All in all"

-


--> Those are common answers that anyone can say about any college. Maybe you should pick something specific or another unique quality the university has that no other college has. I mean you've been on the campus itself, and it seems like you know a lot about it. So why not put some more detail and personal aspects into this?

Good Luck!

Hello! I think you should not say "why not...?" because it sounds like you don't care. How about if you say this:

Over the years, when people asked me about my college plans, I almost always thought of UCF.

That sounds more focused.

Thank you for all of your help!!
I did not even notice all of the suggestions you guys provided.
Thank you again! =)

I don't think you should start with the same question that they asked you. Try using a different question that still ends up answering why you decided to apply to this institution. Hope I helped (I doubt it)!