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"Choose your weapon"; JOHNS HOPKINS ESSAY/ UNDECIDED MAJOR


henajane 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Please be frank with me :) Thanks

"Choose your weapon."
Darn. I haven't even started the game and I have to choose one? Blip. The television screen goes off and
I stare back at my disheveled reflection. How could I choose among a scalpel, a paintbrush, and a mallet?
Heck, I didn't have enough coins to buy two if I could.
Admittedly, I want to have and conquer everything that I encounter. Our life's journey must start with
one step and in this case, that one step is choosing a major. When you picture a map, there are many
paths but only one destination. However, the paths laid out have many different options and offer many
different things. Our task is simply to choose whichever path that tickles our fancy. To me, I want to
explore and breathe in every moment life has to offer. But by choosing a major, I feel that everything is
limited and cut short.
I've never really been proud to say that I was undecided in my major. Shamelessly to say, I was quite
envious of my friend who had her whole life planned out. However, a sudden realization hit me. One
may not be able to choose a path, but one can always choose the map. The map I chose was Johns
Hopkins because here, "no matter what discoveries you choose to pursue, your only limit is your
imagination." I'm undecided in my major. But I'm decidedly open to all which may come my way.
alicela - / 18 1  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
Cute essay *__* haha. I love honest ones, even when they are dangerously so. You might not notice the commas I added, but there are a few where there were needed, as a heads up.

Great beginning! I absolutely loved the metaphor. Your conclusion was also strong. This essay can still be made even stronger, but your base is very good though. The essay flows extremely well and is easy to read.

The parts that can be improved are relatively minimal. Other than the parts I pointed out, you could for example, replace "The map I chose was John Hopkins..." with "The one I chose" to eliminate the repetition of "map." Or some other way. Vague words such as "everything" can be replaced by something more concrete such as "options," "freedom" etc

Another thing that could strengthen this is if you talk a little bit about your future direction, interests, etc, maybe just a hint.
rew2402 5 / 21  
Dec 28, 2012   #3
amazing essay.
from beginning to the end, i was captivated and wanted to read more
what i wanted to point out has already been done by @alicela^

the "undercided major" is being redundant in para 2.
maybe rephrase the " I'm undecided in my major " in last line?

also, please review my essay?
OP henajane 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2012   #4
Thank you guys sooo much!! I will be sure to give you guys some feed back too~


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