"why did you choose to work while in high school?" - Osu Essay Help

If you listed work experience, why did you choose to work while in high school?
-I chose to work in high school not only because I wanted money to spend, but also because I wanted the experience of working. I figured that it was a good idea to get a feel of a work environment before being thrown into a job in college with no experience. Working with children was a really eye opening experience just to see how tough they can be to handle at times. I think the being a camp counselor for two years has both matured me and also given me a lot of work experience to build off of.

Consider your talents and strengths, academic and otherwise. What is one thing you do really well?
-I have always loved math both because it was a chance to challenge myself and also because I just happened to be pretty good at it. Ever since I was in about fourth grade I have always taken the advanced math classes. In my freshman year at Orange High School I was faced with a hard choice to take either Honors Algebra II or Geometry. It was a hard choice because I had not taken Geometry at my old school because the curriculum was different, so I had to decide between skipping Geometry or taking it. In the end I chose to skip Geometry and challenge myself in the Algebra II course while I learned Geometry out of school with a tutor. It was a good decision for me because I stayed on the advanced math track all through high school and it really paid off.

Why are you interested in The Ohio State University?

The big essay is the one I really need help on I don't really know how to start it. Any help or other comments would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Jake,

You already have the thoughts written on paper, now all you have to do is construct some sentences that make sense out of your ideas. Go ahead and create at least three paragraphs, each one with a different idea, each one having its own topic sentence. For example, the first one can relate to the first question: why did you choose to work in high school. You can expound on that idea, give the paragraph some "meat," by providing the reader with more words.

Then, you can proceed onto the next paragraph and describe the answer to the next question in the same way you did (or will) in the first paragraph. Use the last paragraph to sum it all up.

Then, you can present the essay to the forum -- we can then offer you some tips.

Mark

The first two questions are seperate from the Why are you interested in The Ohio State University? question. I'm trying to just write out a rough draft for that one right now. I'll post it up on here when I'm finished with it.

I am interested in the Ohio State University for many reasons, some of those being the ideal location, great student life, and also the fantastic biology department. Although none of my family members went to Ohio State and I moved into Ohio four years ago, I have fallen in love with Ohio State over the past year.

I hate to rave about the location because I know that who ever is reading this knows where they are, but it is an ideal location for me because of its proximity to home. I live approximately two hours away from the University, and I find that to be the perfect for when I want to go home for a weekend.

The student life is a huge reason I want to attend the Ohio State University. The long lasting Ohio State tradition is a thing I would love to be a part of. There are so many student groups to choose from and I believe I would be a great addition to many. Also, the great sports that Ohio State has are a big draw for me being a die-hard sports fan.

Lastly, but also most importantly, is the whole reason I am going to college, to get a great education. Ever since I have entered high school I have been amazed by the sciences. The science that particularly caught my eye was biology; I couldn't get enough of dissecting the various bugs and animals and learning about their structures. The biology department at Ohio State interests me not only because of my love for it but also for the great research opportunities that are given.

Ohio State is everything I am looking for in a college; great student life, fantastic education, and also the closeness to home. At this time next year I hope to be in the student section at The Horseshoe cheering them to a national championship. O-H-I-O!

really rough draft just busted it out and suggestions would be really helpful thanks!

hyphen:
eye-opening

eye-opening experience when I s ee how tough they can be to handle at times.

This sentence, I would like to trim:
I have always loved math both, because it was a chance to challenge myself and also because I just happened to be pretty good at it.---- do you see how this sentence is a lot more interesting and... well, it is just better without that generic phrase about challenging oneself...

I am interested in the Ohio State University for many reasons, some of those being the ideal location, great student life, and also the fantastic biology department. ----nah! You can do better than these reasons! Tell about specific things related to your specific interests. :-) sorry to challenge you... but I challenge you to do even better than this as your premise...

to get a great education. ----see? too obvious.

I couldn't get enough of dissecting the various bugs and animals and learning about their structures. ----this is what you need more of. I want you to tell the reader about how the bio department has something in common with the job you envision yourself going to from 9-5 eac day 10 years from now. Give us a real glimpse, not a lot of general ideas like "fantastic education"...

See what I mean? I just want to challenge you, I am not trying to be a stupid jerk, ha ha... :-)