A circumstance that challenged me was social anxiety. Supplementary essay for Queens Commerce

QUEENS COMMERCE SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY

Students encounter many challenges throughout their education. Tell us about a circumstance (from any area of your life, continuing or past) that has challenged you, or continues to challenge you, and describe how you are using that experience to grow into the student and the person you aspire to be. Please answer in 300 words or fewer (maximum 2000 characters with spaces).

A circumstance that challenged me was social anxiety. And not your garden variety social anxiety, mind you, but rather intense crippling anxiety. Anxiety where I could barely talk to people and I avoided attention at all cost. As a result of this, my social and academic life suffered. I avoided talking with teachers and classmates, extracurricular activities, and at times even avoided school itself. These problems only grew and came to a head in grade 11 when my anxiety reached new peaks.

My attendance and grades suffered like never before and I knew it was time to get help. Over the next two years, I received therapy and worked hard to end my anxiety. Slowly, social skills that I would have never thought possible became easy. I began to make eye contact, speak clearly and confidently, and even mastered my fear of public speaking. Nowadays, my social anxiety is gone and while I still do occasionally feel anxious, it no longer hinders me like it once did. I now love to meet people and have even been asked how I stay so calm, words I never thought I'd hear.

All of these newfound skills are part of the person and student that I aspire to be. Someone who is never afraid to spark up a conversation, try new things, and will never again let their fear get in the way of what they want. I feel like I am on track to become this person and in a way, my social anxiety may have helped me get there. Feeling cheated out of previous experiences due to anxiety makes me want to make the most of future ones. Perhaps more than the average person, I understand the value of seizing an opportunity and the pain of missing out on one.

I think you should describe more about how you can rise from all social anxiety, the part that motivates you. Make the best use of it :))

Mathew, your opening paragraph sounds so amateur because you are simply paraphrasing the prompt question as an opening sentence. Remember, the first sentence is the hook of the essay. That sentence that should make the reader interested to find out what you have to say. The way you present your problem anxiety in this instance is too cut and dried. It requires more creativity to hook the reader. Stating the response so directly ends the essay response. The reader will not move forward because you did not really make him work to learn what your challenge was. Neither do you show the challenges you faced after seeking treatment for the condition. You need to add a little drama to stir interest in the response. Not too much drama, just enough to show the trials and tribulations you went through to get to where you are today, feeling cheated because you spent so much of your life suffering anxiety attacks.